Wanted: Free Girlfriend

October 1st, 2003

“Where can I find a free girl friend? Please include the following items: sexy legs, sexy arms, sexy thighs and sexy butt.

Thank you very much.”

Bob Cu

Liam’s Answer

Bob, in my experience, no girlfriend is entirely free. I’m not saying you have to pay for sex (although in your case, you may well need to).

However, all girlfriends come with a maintenance cost. Dinners. Movies. Flowers for their birthdays. Flowers for forgetting their birthdays. All these things add up to quite substantial sums.

The only girls who’ll accept you’re love and not expect anything else are the dreadfully needy ones. For example, girls with no arms and no legs are often content with a man who’ll spoon food into their mouths, no matter who’s paid at the supermarket checkout.

So, basically, your chances of finding a free girlfriend are pretty low. Particularly if you’re going to be fussy enough to ask her to be sexy as well.

Chris’ Answer

Bob – I think you might be looking in the wrong places – if you want a free girlfriend, stop looking in Women’s prisons and detention centres.

Try the United States – I’ve heard they’re the land of the free and also the home of the brave.

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Wanted: Free Girlfriend