Stand Out Inconspicuously

April 14th, 2007

“There’s a girl and I always act stupid in front of her and I need to stop so she can notice me.”

james morales

Liam’s Answer

Either you are a genius, or insane.

You appear to have taken the time-honored approach of behaving stupidly to stand out in a crowd and thereby attract a girl’s attention, and turned it completely on its head. You want to stand out by behaving like everyone else. I admire your anarchic, subversive approach.

I’m a little surprise that she hasn’t already noticed you, to be honest. Your topsy-turvey attitude suggests a man who looks at the world differently from the rest of us.

I’d have thought you’re already the kind of guy wearing your pants on your head and gloves on your feet.

If that’s the case, you need a little less topsy-turvey, and a little more style and sophistication.

It’s a little known fact that although women will say “good sense of humor” is most important in a man, they’re really looking for two things: a nice butt, or an awful butt padded with a fat wallet.

Your path is therefore clear. To get this girl to notice you, either work out a lot, or get immensely rich.

Or do both by founding a successful chain of fitness clubs. That way, you will stand out in a crowd by having the best looking butt and the most butt-padding wallet simultaneously.

Sure, you may be head to toe in lycra, but that’s your uniform, not a dress up. She’ll find you impossible to resist.

Chris’ Answer

Girls love it when guys behave stupidly. It lets them have a sense of superiority and power.

If you think about it, knowing that a guy will demean himself for the slimmest chance of feeling your breasts must make a girl feel pretty good about the attractiveness of her body and the sheer desperation of men’s obsessions.

The more stupidly you behave, the more impressed she will be. Cracking jokes is good, but cracking your head open as you attempt to juggle six whiskey bottles and a cat is better, believe you me.

The problem with this behavior is that you’re competing with every other man in the world with a healthy appreciation of for the swell and firmness of a good pair of boobs. Pretty soon, juggling cats and whiskey isn’t going to cut it. You’ll be juggling cats and chainsaws while drinking whiskey, and quite frankly that will only end in disaster.

But in a world of insanity, you can indeed stand out. You’ve already discovered it. By refusing to play the game, you will immediately capture this girl’s attention. By ignoring her you will intrigue her. Turn away as she approaches you; she’ll quickly wonder what’s wrong wit her body, and book herself in for a boob job.

My advice to really drive her crazy for you is to move counties. Migrate to Belgium, and don’t leave a forwarding address.

She’ll scour the world looking for you. Within six months, you will be all she can think about.

At that point, strike.

Turn up to her house late one night. Knock on her door, and as she opens it, go down on bended knee, present her with a dozen roses and profess your undying love.

If she doesn’t let your feel her breasts on the spot, you’ll have no other option but to pull out six whiskey bottles and a cat, and try to win her the old-fasihioned way.

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Stand Out Inconspicuously