Stability or Passion?

April 25th, 2005

“What’s more important in a relationship, passion or stability? See here is the problem.

I am engaged to a great man, he is mature, stable, secure. We recently bought a house together, are raising children (mine and a foster) together. He is my best friend.

But there is absolutely no passion in our relationship. There is a kiss goodbye in the morning, a kiss hello in the evening and a kiss good night. We make love once every three or four months. That’s it.

Then there is someone else, who I am also in love with and have been cheating on my fiancé with. We have passion, animal attraction, great sex and fun.

But he is not the stable type. He is much more immature, but also more spontaneous. But I could not count on him for all the stability type things I get with the other. I know I have to make a decision because the way I am going about things is very wrong.

But I cannot figure out which way to go.”


Liam’s Answer

When I need to make the tricky decisions in life, I carefully weighs up the consequences of my options, then choose the one that comes up “heads”.

Here, we have a difficult choice. Mr Passion will give you a fulfilling life in the bedroom. On the other hand, Mr Stability can actually provide the bedroom.

It’s tough that we live in a world where sometimes we can’t have it all. You want stability and passion, but feel that you have to choose one or the other. It would be so much easier if the choice was just “Do you want your coffee with or without sugar?”

There is a third way though. A way to get both passion and stability in your life. Dump both guys and keep looking for a guy who’s got the lot.

Unfortunately, they don’t make a three-sided coin, so I’m not sure how you’d ever decide between your options. Perhaps you can roll a dice.

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Stability or Passion?