Speling Prbolme

January 7th, 2007

“Dhear Gorskyses: Eye hhave a tteribll prroblm whith mie zpeling. Kahn ioo hellp?

Denx!”

Smokey McPat

Liam’s Answer

I often have trouble spelling. More often, I have trouble typing, but some words always trip me up. I don’t know why, but my neural pathways always get “occasional” wrong, and spell it “occaisional”.

And homonyms present a problem. I mean, I always spell “homonyms” correctly, but often confuse words that sound the same, but have different meanings.

There are two paths you can go down. The first is to spend hours and hours learning how to spell words correctly, and go back and correct all the words with a wavy red underline. But there’s a better, faster and altogether simpler way. Get all your friends to buy a Mac, select the text of whatever appallingly spelt email you’ve inflicted on them, then go to Application Menu > Services > Speech > Start Speaking Text. Your email will then be read in by the computer in a strange, disembodied voice that doesn’t care whether you write “there” or “their” or even spelt “write” as “write”, “right”, “wright” or “rite”.

You do need to be a little careful. I forgot to let my friends know how to change the speaking voice from the default, and now most of my online friends think I am a woman.

On the plus side, some people think I sound just like Stephen Hawking.

Chris’ Answer

My mother always told my that learning to spell was the most important skill in the world. She grew up in a world before the invention of suing everyone else for any thing you muck up.

Be happy that you can’t spell. Go talk to a lawyer, and ask her to sue your old school for not teaching you properly. My guess is that your ‘disability’ will earn you a cool million or two.

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Speling Prbolme