Rich Fantasy Life

January 1st, 1997

“This girl comes on to me regularly at work but I can’t bring myself to respond, is there something wrong with me?

When I leave work I find that I use I too many times in one sentence…..

When I leave work I find myself constantly fantasizing about swimming in a large jar of Nutella with her.

Do you know where I can find a big enough jar?”

Justin at CSIRO

Jo’s Advice

Many people fantasize about working with a fantastically beautiful model with huge boobies that stick out a mile, and ribs that stick out further; Justin, you are one of the lucky ones for whom this fantasy is true.

When this girl (let’s call her Hilary Clinton, because that’s who she reminds me of) comes on to you at work, you need to ask yourself two questions:

  • are you using “I” too many times because you are more interested in yourself than in Hillary; and
  • are you using the perpendicular pronoun because it’s phallic in a weird sort of alphabet way?

Once you’ve asked yourself these questions, then move on to your third (don’t bother answering the first two, they’re crap-arse).

  • where can I find a jar of Nutella that’s big enough for the two of us?

I’ve done a bit of ‘surfing on this, and the answer is ‘from Nutella’. Nutella make a snog-sized jar, that’s available through any good milk bar or adult book store. Designed specifically to fit two grown-up people rooting, the Nutella “Fun Size’ is just right for those messy nights of frottage (not to be confused with fromage, which is made by Kraft).

If this has been a bit word association-y for you, then let me know. I’m feeling a little palindrome at the moment.

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Rich Fantasy Life