Reverse Baldness Diet

April 1st, 2004

“I heard somewhere you can have a diet to reverse the worst excesses of male-pattern-baldness, any truth in this? And if so where can I get a diet plan?”

Slap Head

Chris’ Answer

Male pattern baldness is caused by your hair follicles being senisitve to the male hormone testosterone. Medical science knows only one way to prevent it: castration. Whipping off your testicles will hugely reduce your testosterone levels, and stop your hair falling out. So, you’ll have a full head of hair, be enormously attractive to woment, but have no urge to do anything about it.

Diets that reduce your testosteone levels would therefore logically help. Girls have low levels of testosterone, so eating a diet of steamed chicken, green salads, low-fat milk and chocolate whenever you feel an little bit depressed should absolutely prevent baldness.

Liam’s Answer

Male pattern baldness is one of the most debilitating diseases known to mankind. Look at these appalling symptoms:

  • comb overs
  • bald tops and pony tails
  • sudden urge to buy a red Porsche.

I’ve heard that a diet rich in beer, lard, pig fat, butter, garlic and onions will help to reduce the impact of baldness. Women will find your hideous girth and foul odour a good enough reason not to date you, rendereing your lack of hair unimportant.

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Reverse Baldness Diet