Paranoid Flasher Man

January 1st, 2001

“Help! I’m a really paranoid person. I’m afraid of what people think of me, how I’m going to cope after I graduate from school in a few weeks, whether I’ll ever get another girlfriend, in my life, ever.

Especially worried about getting sarcastic comments from comedians…

P.S. I think Flashman is a worse surname than Asses. I get people singing “nanananana FLASHMAN!!” to the tune of Batman and other jokes about revealing myself in public.

P.P.S. Do you think that could be adding to my paranoia?”

Dale Flashman

Liam’s Answer

The worst thing about being paranoid is that no one takes your legitimate fears seriously. Here you are, with one of the most ridiculous surnames I’ve ever encountered, and people just laugh at you.

Of course, that makes you feel bad.

However, I want you to think about yourself differently. You’ve heard the phrase “There’s always someone worse off than you”?

Well, Dale. For you, that’s not true.

Your name is so dumb that you’re the bottom of the heap. And that’s an enormous public service you’re performing.

Four billion people on the planet can feel good about themselves because your name is so ridiculous.

On behalf of us all, I thank you.

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Paranoid Flasher Man