Not a Love Triangle, More a ‘V’

March 16th, 2007

“Well, I am not in a love triangle. Like you said before, I am in a love V.

My current boyfriend of 2 years is madly in love with me and I love him too. Before we were together, I had feelings for a guy named Jon.

Jon is a nice guy, and I care about him so much. When I’m with him, I want to be with him. When I’m with Chris I want to be with him.

I don’t know what to do. They’re both great guys. Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe I just answered my own question.

I am so confused. Help me.”

Chelsea Riddle

Liam’s Answer

Chelsea, your dilemma reminds me a lot of the problem facing Meredith Grey on Grey’s Anatomy. She couldn’t decide whether to be in love with McDreamy or the vet guy. Last I saw, she chose McDreamy because she got appendicitis.

So maybe that’s what you can do. Get appendicitis, and your dilemma will solve itself.

My research suggests that it’s hard to inflict appendicitis on yourself at a moment’s notice. However, risk factors include being obese, having diabetes, and having HIV.

So if you spend the next few months while eating a lot of sugary stuff, chunking on the weight and sleeping around and having unsafe sex with every one you meet, you may find your Love V problem disappears entirely. If not because you have a moment of clarity while on morphine like Grey did, but just because neither Chris nor Jon will want to spend time with a fat slut.

Chris’s Answer

First, I want to get something straight. I’m assuming that I’m not the Chris in this love triangle, because if I was, I’d be really disappointed to know I was in a relationship that I know nothing about.

Second, I want to say that being unable to decide between two potential things that seem equally wonderful is a very common problem. I have it all the time. Coco Pops or Cornflakes? Coke or Pepsi? Grey’s Anatomy or self-administered lobotomy?

What you need to do is look for the third way. Become a lesbian. Find yourself some wonderful woman who will take your mind off your man troubles. A woman who you can share your worries and joys with. A woman who knows what other women want. A woman who doesn’t mind a video camera in the bedroom. Then, you can have a lovely love-life, and continue to drive both Chris and Jon wild with desire as you email them the latest updates to your web site.

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Not a Love Triangle, More a ‘V’