Need Money Before Baby Is Born

August 11th, 2004

“I need money to pay bills before my baby is born!!”

Isabel Aragon

Liam’s Answer

Isabel, there’s nothing worse than being short of cash. Red envelopes containing overdue notices. Late night phone calls from angry creditors demanding immediate payment. Severe beatings and broken fingers every day until you come up the cash and repay your mother.

But if you think you need money before your baby’s born, just wait until after the little tyke arrives.

Babies suck money out of your pocket from the instant they start suckling at your breast. First, there’s the medical expenses of the birth. Then, they eat like monsters (costing money for formula) then crap it into their diapers (more cash needed to replace them). They need immunizations at the doctors to stop them getting sick (and we know how much the doctor charges from the overdue notices about the birthing fees) then get sick anyway, meaning you have to go back to the doctor again (and you don’t even get a discount for going back three times in the one week).

I suggest you hold off on paying your bills until after the kid is born, then sell it to a childless couple for the price of a new car. Use the car to drive to another state and avoid your creditors.

Chris’ Answer

You’re in luck. I can solve all your money problems. I have developed a fool-proof way of making money fast.

If you want to find out how to make over $1,000 just by asking people for money, please send me a money order for over $1,000 to Chris’ Scam, c/- the Gorskys, PO Box 545, North Melbourne, Vic, Australia.

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Need Money Before Baby Is Born