Make Life Unpleasant for Ex

April 23rd, 2003

“My rat bastard of a boyfriend is now my rat bastard of an ex boyfriend.

He didn’t even tastefully dump me, he did it over the phone before noon!

I want to make him not only regret what he’s done to me, but I’d also like it if his suffering was so intense death becomes a pleasant alternative to his current state of being.

Any suggestions?”

Allison Smith

Liam’s Answer

I think you’re being a bit harsh on this guy Allison. Telephone dumping before noon gives you an entire afternoon to organise an ‘all men are bastards’ drinking session with your friends, including making a restaurant booking.

However, I can understand your hurt. I once dumped a girl using SMS and she was ropable.

If I was you, I’d invite him over for “a night of make up sex.” No man can ever actually turn down an offer of sex, so he’ll agree. When he arrives at your place, get all your girlfriends to hold him down while you chop off his penis with a rusty knife.

After that, the only sex he’ll ever have will be made up.

Chris’ Answer

Have you thought about tickling him? I hate being tickled. Maybe he does too.

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Make Life Unpleasant for Ex