I Love My Best Friend

January 1st, 2001

“I’m in love with my best friend to the point im obsession and don’t know how to tell her without her freakin’ out.”

Brad Joutt

Jo’s Advice

You’re absolutely right – there’s no way of telling your friend that you are in love with her without freaking her out.

She’s your friend and not your lover because she wants it that way. If she wanted to be your lover she’d be saying things like “do you want to come over and make out” instead of “do you want to come over and watch videos”.

If you tell her you love her now, after how ever many years of close friendship, intimate conversation and confidence, she’ll just think you were perving on her all this time rather than actually wanting to be her friend and will feel completely betrayed.

So what you’ve got to do is fall out of love with her.

To do this, put yourself in situations in which she looks very unattractive, dog-ugly, even completely disgusting and repugnant. For example:

  • Rig a hidden camera in her toilet so you can see her taking a crap.
  • Get her really drunk so that she throws up all over herself.
  • Rent a tear-jerker movie so you can see her with puffy red eyes and runny nose.
  • Take her to the gym and check her out on the stepper – bright red face, sweaty body and asthmatic breathing are never attractive.
  • Best yet, get her talking about herself – a lot. Once you get her started she won’t stop, and you’ll get heartily sick of her me, me, me attitude.

And if you’re still in love with your friend after all of this, there’s no hope for you and you’ll just have to leave the country, or ‘fess up.

Either way, say goodbye to your friendship. Aaaah, ain’t love grand.

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I Love My Best Friend