Hunger for Humans

June 6th, 2005

“I have the inexplicable urge to eat another human being. What should I do?”

Curtis LeBlanc

Liam’s Answer

Well, Curtis, you wouldn’t be the first. There was a case in Germany a while back where a guy called Armin Meiwes had a similar hankering. He advertised for someone to come over for dinner, literally. The respondent got eaten, by all reports quite happily. And who wouldn’t be happy to die after they’d eaten your own penis? What would be the point of living?

Unfortunately for both Herr Meiwes and you, cannibalism is illegal, even if your victim is happy to bathe in a tub of Worstershire sauce, garlic and soy for a couple of hours to ‘flavour up’. You’ll be caught, and put in prison. And although everyone is scared of Hannibal the Cannibal in Silence of the Lambs, in real prisons, the other cons eat guys like you on toast.

If you do have an overwhelming desire to taste human flesh, my suggestion is to get really sunburnt, and eat the stuff that peels off your back.

Chris’ Answer

The real problem with eating people is that very soon you run out of friends.

Eat Hufu instead. Hufu i’s a tofu treat, designed to match the texture and taste of human flesh. It’s a great solution. Not only do you get the great taste of Dave a la orange, you also get the healthy goodness of tofu.

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Hunger for Humans