Humiliating Dump

April 25th, 2005

“My boyfriend’s an ass hole and I want to dump him and I need a really good funny way to dump him so he’ll be publicly humiliated.



Liam’s Answer

For most women, there is nothing sweeter in the world than to dump her boyfriend in a way that humiliates him and shows the world what a pathetic, hopeless little worm he is. I know this because that is the standard technique all my girlfriends have used when ending our relationships.

In your boyfriend’s case, we want maximum pain, which means maximum publicity. Here’s what to do.

Compose a ‘petition email’, in which you outline the three worst things about your boyfriend, and a terrible thing he’s done to you. For example:

My boyfriend kisses like a frog, has more pimples on his bum than his pustule-ridden face, and sleeps with a teddy bear even though he’s 19.

The other night, he was so obsessed with his computer that he didn’t call me, even though he’d promised he would as soon as he’d finished dinner.

He’s not worthy to be alive, let alone be my boyfriend, and I’m going to end it by dumping him in the only way he’ll understand.

If you think he’s not worthy of me, please add your name to the bottom of this email, and send it on to 10 of your friends. If you are the 20th person on the list, please forward this email to my boyfriend at [insert his email address here] with the subject “You’re dumped, you pathetic, hopeless worm!

The great thing about this technique is that it’s so public, there’s no way in the world he’ll be able to tell anyone that he dumped you.

Chris’ Answer

The best way to publicly humiliate your boyfriend is to have an affair with his father, then be caught having sex with the Old Man in the car at your graduation.

The next time you visit your boyfriend, begin seducing his dad by smiling and giggling at every crap joke he makes. This will let him remember their own teen years when he was attempting to pick up chicks.

Flirt with him on each visit. Wear more and more revealing clothes on each occasion.

Finally, when you’re turning up virtually naked, make your move on the Old Man. Sneak him into a closet and tell him you’re in love with him, and want to offer him your body as a sign of your desire.

Then, all you have to do is keep dating your boy until graduation. Promise your boyfriend the wildest sex he’s ever had straight after the ceremony. On that important and momentous day, sneak out with his dad and shag in the back seat of the family car.

Come the end of the ceremony, your boyfriend’s humiliation will be complete.

Of course, avoiding a reputation as a complete bitch is another issue.

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Humiliating Dump