Trouble Training Armadillo

April 23rd, 2003

“I am having trouble house-training my armadillo. Do you have any tips?”

Helen Omand

Liam’s Answer

Armadillos are pesky things. Essentially the M-1 tank of the animal world, they are impervious to the little slaps and vicious kicks that work so effectively when training a dog.

Armadillos require heavy artillery. I had an armadillo that refused to ‘play dead’ until I dropped a 927 pound CBU-105 heat-seeking bomb on it from a B-52.

Of course, after the explosion, it wasn’t really ‘playing’ dead, but that’s another issue. Sometimes there are collateral casualties in animal training; it’s an unfortunate but inevitable consequence.

Chris’ Answer

Before you bring out your big guns, Helen, you might like to try diplomacy.

Although not very fashionable at the moment – according to George W Bush, it’s much better to shoot first then try to find the weapons later – diplomacy has in fact proved its worth for millions of years.

Ask your armadillo politely to refrain from pissing on the carpet. Offer it food aid in return. And good luck.

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Trouble Training Armadillo