Going Mad When People Eat

December 7th, 2006

“Hello, I dont know why but I’m getting crazy every time someone eats something near me. I’m starting to say bad words and I hurt people with my words. What can I do? Please help me.”

Roht Gnilk

Liam’s Answer

There’s nothing worse than sitting quietly, enjoying the sights and sounds and smells of the world, and then seeing some foul, uncouth bastard EATING IN FRONT OF YOU. Especially if they chew with their mouths open.

It’s enough to make you want to stab someone with a fork.

I can’t tell you how many restaurtants I’ve been banned from.

What I suggest is that you only ever eat food at home, and when you go out, put a bag over your head so your eyes won’t be offended by the sight of people eating.

Bags over the head can draw attention and unnecessary questions, so write a little note on the front saying “I am wearing this bag so I don’t see you eating and call you a c**t!”

Chris’ Answer

Abusing people just because they’re eating is inappropriate, and quite unfair. What next? Are you going to revert to being 6 and bashing up your little brother because he breathes funny?

Yours is a problem that needs urgent, professional attention. I suggest that you see a psychiatrist. Or set up a “Fat Fighters Boot Camp”, where yelling abuse at people eating will be a key selling point of your radical but highly effective weight loss regime.

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Going Mad When People Eat