Girlfriend Is Taller Than Me

October 21st, 2004

“My girlfriend is taller than me, and I haven’t been growing a lot and I’m afraid that she’s going to be a lot taller at the end of the summer. What do I do to get taller?”

Kevin Murphy

Chris’ Answer

I’m not sure what your problem is Kevin. Many men would welcome the opportunity of having a girlfriend who they only came up to the chest of. For example, I’m about 5’10”, and would love to date 6’5″ basketball diva Lauren Jackson. The height differential would certainly ofer me a great view. Even better, the income differential would offer me a lifestyle I can only dream of having.

Liam’s Answer

There are a few ways to add extra inches to your height. The easiest is to invest in a pair of stilts and master the art of walking around on them. Not only will they guarantee that you’re taller than your girlfriend, but 7 foot long stilts will also ensure you have a lucrative career dressing up as a clown and walking down the street at parades.

Taking growth hormones at just the right moment can also help you to get taller. Unfortunately, the right time to take them is before puberty, and since you already are interested in girls, I fear you’re too late.

More radical but just as effective is to have both your legs snapped, and get the bones reset a few inches apart. The bones will eventually grow together, and you’ll be a few inches taller. You’ll also spend about 6 months in constant agony, but perhaps your girlfriend is worth it.

Have you considered buying a box, and just standing on that to kiss her? If you have suspisions your girlfirend is ugly and not worth breaking your legs for, you can always put the box over her head and pretend she’s pretty.

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Girlfriend Is Taller Than Me