Fancy The Teacher

December 1st, 2003

“There’s a lecturer of mine at uni, lets just call him ‘MJ’ for now, who I started to think a lot about after I attended his lecture course.

I was starting to get worried that I was gay as my family have brought me up to be very politically correct.

Then the other week I saw him naked in the sports centre changing rooms and couldn’t help but notice he was extremely well endowed. Since then he’s been constantly on my mind.

I’m scared of what my family would say but I’m also really curious to see what would happen.

What do you advise?”

Ryad Chowdhury

Liam’s Answer

This is a tricky one Ryad. Your academic success rides on making the right move. If you sleep with your teacher, it’s a guaranteed A. But if you try to sleep with your teacher, and it turns out he’s a homophobe, you’ll be flunking that course big time.

Lets assume your lecturer, MJ, isn’t teaching “Poets of the Romantic Era”. The chances of his being gay are about 10%.

So you’ve got a 90% chance of being rejected. A 90% chance of embarrassing yourself. A 90% chance of failing.

But you’ve also got a 10% chance of getting an A, and then an award of millions of dollars from the university to settle your sexual harassment law suit.

That’s a chance well worth taking.

Go for it.

Chris’ Answer

Great brains and a great body. How lucky is your lecturer. No wonder you find him attractive.

I bet he’s witty, and urbane, and sophisticated and knowledgable about life, the universe and everything, isn’t he.

That’s because he’s old, Ryad. Old, and wrinkly and decrepit. Unable to maintain an erection. Unable to urinate because of his bloated, distended pre-cancerous prostate.

Take that image into your next lecture. If he still lights your fires, pass him a note after the lecture asking for some “special instruction.”

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Fancy The Teacher