My Girlfriend Is A Doona Hog

January 1st, 1999

“While I love my girlfriend very much, and am very happy in our little love nest, she is a doona hog of the worst kind. Most nights, I awake in the freezing cold and am forced to wrestle for a scrap of sheet. What can I do?”

Charlie

Jo’s Advice

There’s a few options open to you here. You could sleep on the couch with your own doona, but I understand you may not want to play by yourself.

You could get a spare doona for when you wake in the middle of the night nude and cold, but I suspect your girl won’t take long to get her lecherous hands on that either.

You could poke her with a cattle prod every time she tugs on your bedding, which you’d hope would teach her a lesson, but she may have grounds for charging you with abuse in that instance.

So the method I most recommend is to sew another doona to the one you currently have and sleep in between the two. That way as she pulls, the doonas just keep looping around you, always providing a snuggly warm sleep.

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My Girlfriend Is A Doona Hog