Best Friend Broke My Sunnies

October 23rd, 2006

“How do you poison your best friend because she broke your sun glasses?”

quackimar shooblick

Chris’ Advice

Make her drink sun-screen and lens-cleaner.

Liam’s Advice

Hang on a second. Let’s get this into perspective. You want to kill your best friend because she broke your sun glasses! Do you think that might be seen by the jury as just a little bit over the top.

Typically, the law lets you get away with murder when your life is in danger and you do it in self-defence. Now, the hole in the ozone layer is getting bigger, but it’s a pretty big leap to suggest that your entire life is endangered just because you’re squinting in the UV.

I really think you need to take another look at yourself. That may be hard in the full, unprotected glare, but what you’re proposing is a criminal action that will stick you behind bars in a cell far from any sunlight. Get some perspective. Poison is not the solution.

No, you want to get your friend where it really hurts. You want to get revenge in a subtle yet powerful way that will leave no clues that you’re the culprit.

Here’s what to do. The next time you two are at the beach, offer to rub sun screen on her back. Instead, rub on some cooking oil. She’ll think she’s protected from the UV rays, but really, every moment on the beach will be frying her skin.

That night, as she’s lying in bed in agony, sneak into her room and steal her sunglasses.

In 30 years time, she’ll die of skin cancer, and you’ll be able to hide your tears behind her sunnies.

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Best Friend Broke My Sunnies