Always Late For Work

April 23rd, 2003

“My employee Greg is always late for work, and he can’t even come up with a good excuse.

If it continues, I’ll be forced to start ripping him off, and renting out his room to trained monkeys.

What should I do?”

Margaux Zemann

Chris’ Answer

What you need to do is give Greg a book full of good excuses for being late for work. He can then just point you to the relevant page number when he strolls in at a quarter to lunch time, and you’ll both be happy.

Liam’s Answer

Lighten up Margaux. This is your problem, not Greg’s. You’re the one who’s bought into this whole paradigm about their being “time” and how someone can be late for work.

Your life is totally constrained by a totally artificial construct. Time is man made and invented.

Our technologically advanced society measures time by the vibrations of an atom. The United Nations adopted it as an international standard. It’s so accurate, that every so often, we need to add a ‘leap second’ to ‘correct’ for the fact that the Earth actually measures time by just rotating on it’s axis, not by observing atomic vibrations.

In nature, time is as flexible and pliant as a gymnast who’s been taking stretching lessons.

Wheat doesn’t ripen at 9:00 am Monday. It ripens when it’s good and ready. Cocks crow at sunrise, not five o’clock. My girlfriend is ready for our date not at 8, but when she’s tried on six dresses, and re-done her makeup about 123 times.

And, like the wonderful, nature-loving human being that he is, Greg rocks into work when he’s ready to be productive. Let him be.

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Always Late For Work