What To Do With Unwanted Christmas Gifts

December 1st, 2003
Chris and his framed poster of Enrique Iglasias

When Chris got another framed Enrique Iglasias poster from his slightly out-of-touch grandmother, he hung it on his front door as a deterrent to criminals who might have thought he had a decent CD collection to steal.

Every Christmas is the same. You get three good presents and about 200 stinkers.

Why can’t people just give cash instead of crap?

Useless gifts are useless. At least until now.

Here are some of GORSKYS.COMedy’s suggestions on turning your unwanted Christmas gifts into valuable items.

  • Fill the pair of socks you get from Aunt Matilda with small change and use them as a fashionable coin purse.
  • If you live somewhere cold, why not use the socks as a pair of mittens.
  • With the books you’ll never read, think about starting your own bonfire.
  • Attach four pieces of wood to the awful coffee table book about birds from your brother to make a coffee table.
  • Water-down the scented soaps you get from your cousins and sell the mixture on eBay as “Xmas Shampoo”.
  • Turn the horrible box collection of Harry Potter books from your mother into a classy display showing you’re well read. Re-cover her gifts with best-seller covers stolen from Barnes and Noble.
  • Not sure what to do with six new pairs of underpants? Give them to members of your local street gang to wear as hats.
  • You always end up with two copies of the same video in the gift bag. Use the spare as a bribe to young children to run to the shops and buy you cigarettes.
  • Use tinsel to spruce up your work clothes, and turn them into rave wear.
  • DVDs of movies you hate make great frisbees.
  • New shirts make great art smocks for painting in.
  • There’s nothing worse than getting a set of golf balls if you don’t play golf. But there’s nothing more fun than shoving them up your uncle’s exhaust pipe and seeing how car they shoot out when he starts his engine.
  • Keep the losing lottery ticket you get from your Dad. Rolled up, it makes great paper for a joint.
  • Novelty neckties can be used as a leash for your dog.
  • The “IOU one great gift” note from your big brother can be used as toilet paper.
  • Scrawl your name on the ‘Best Of Britney’ CD your sister gave you because she was hoping she could listen to it, and sell it on eBay as an autographed CD. Just don’t say whose autograph.
  • Use the jokes from Christmas bon-bons to launch your own stand-up comedy career.
  • ‘Saucy novelty condoms’ from your mates at work make fantastic balloons for the kiddies.
  • Mum, did your husband give you an iron to go with last year’s vacuum cleaner? Show your kids how it can be used to make funny scorch marks on all Dad’s shirts.

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What To Do With Unwanted Christmas Gifts