Get Into A Nightclub When You’re Under-Age

April 1st, 2002

Terrence & Spider - two bouncers it's worth getting to know.

It’s tough being a kid. All the fun’s being had inside the nightclub, but you’re not allowed in just because of those pesky underage drinking laws.

Well, don’t let that stop you. This month, we offer some useful advice on how to party like a grown up, even if you’re not.

  • If you’re 16, hold your ID upside down, and pass yourself off as 91.
  • An internet year is the equivalent of seven in the real world, so every hour on ICQ is the equivalent of a day in real life. This means the average web-addicted teenager is really 43.
  • Confuse the bouncer. When he asks your age, just give him your birthdate, and let him do the math.
  • It’s best to use wit and intelligence to get past the bouncer, but sometimes $20 will do.
  • Pay nine 13 year olds to line up in for the club in front of you – they’ll get knocked back for being so young; you’ll look old in comparison, and be let right in.
  • Never having kissed anybody is a clue you’re young or very religious. Neither is good for getting into clubs, so lie if asked. But be convincing. 10 is a reasonable number. 10 million is not.
  • It may be cool to get to know the bouncer, but don’t invite him to your school’s football game.
  • Bouncers like to think of themselves as being the peak of physical perfection. Challenge him to do 4,000 push ups. While he’s demonstrating, go into the club.
  • Remember, a long coat and a ten-year old sitting on an 11 year old’s shoulders makes a 21 year old.
  • Don’t play hopscotch while waiting in line.

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Get Into A Nightclub When You’re Under-Age