Terrific Toast Tid-Bits

May 1st, 2002

Toast crumbs in the bed are natures way of telling you to clean the sheets.

Toast. It’s one of the best inventions since sliced bread. In fact, it’s the reason sliced bread was invented. Probably.

But you don’t see many monuments to it, do you. No large bronzed pieces of toast in the middle of a park.

Then again, there are no monuments to sliced bread either, which is weird, if you think about it, since it’s the invention by which all others are measured. But that’s another story.

Anyway, in order to rectify the situation, this month, we take a look at some terrific things about toast that you never knew.

  • A watched toaster never ‘pops’, but closing your eyes doesn’t seem to speed things up either.
  • People have double standards about toast. Toast really just dries out bread, but people don’t complain when you serve toast. Serve dry bread, though, and you’ve got a whole other story.
  • Toasting day-old bread makes it fresh, but toasting day-old children kills them
  • Toasted bread is good; roasted bread is not.
  • You don’t toast people with toast.
  • In fact, you don’t actually toast the person at all.
  • Serving peanut butter on toast after a hot date that goes exceptionally well, is acceptable. Serving it while on the hot date is guaranteed to make it go exceptionally poorly.
  • If you take a lot of drugs, you’re toasted, but if you toast a lot of drugs, you’ve just wasted them.
  • The world is divided into three kinds of people: those who prefer toast hot; those who prefer toast cold, and those who skip breakfast.
  • Dr Seuss’ unpublished sequel to The Cat In The Hat is Back was A Roast on The Coast is Served on Toast.
  • Toast is socially acceptable for dinner only on Sunday nights.
  • Butter melts on toast, but toast doesn’t melt on butter.

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Terrific Toast Tid-Bits