Talk Your Way Out Of Speeding Tickets

October 20th, 2006

Some police officers have a sensitive electronic nose which can detect drivers speed and body odour so they can decide if they really want to pull them over..

It’s happened to the best of us while we’re driving. There’s an open road and a little day-dreaming, and the Mark Schumacher in us pushes the pedal to the metal and without realising it, you’re doing 120 in a 60 zone.

Which wouldn’t be so bad if cop cars couldn’t reach 130 to overtake you, pull you over and hand you a ticket with a fine so large it make Bill Gates’ fortune look like small change.

Of course, you could avoid the speeding fine by driving within the limit, but where’s the fun in that? Talking your way out of a ticket will save you money and still let you have internal Nascar races.

So this month we offer foolproof lines to get you out of a speeding ticket.

  • I know I was speeding, but I’m taking my pregnant wife to hospital. Oh no! I must have left her at home. Can I have an escort to the pub to drown my sorrows?
  • I know I was speeding, but I’m rushing home to get my wife pregnant.
  • I’m pregnant.
  • I have PMS. Back off!
  • I may have been exceeding the speed limit, but it was entirely safe. I’ve taken so many amphetamines, my reflexes are lighting-fast.
  • I’ve just taken LSD, so I didn’t even know I was driving.
  • How about we have a drag race? If you win, you can fine me double.
  • You can’t fine me, officer. I don’t even have a licence.
  • According to you I was doing 120, but according to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, time is slower for moving objects than stationary ones. According to my calculations, I was only doing 59.
  • I am being chased by aliens.
  • I am an alien.
  • Beam me up, Scotty.
  • Oh my God! What’s that behind you? Note: remember to drive off really quickly when the cop turns to look
  • I am a Jedi. You don’t need to see my identification. These are not the droids your looking for. I can go about my business. Move along. Note: this works best if you are in fact a Jedi
  • Thank God you’re here, officer. There’s a madman with an axe hiding under the back seat. Take a look. Well, he was there. I must have lost him when I went over that speed hump.
  • 120. You don’t say. That’s fantastic! I always thought cops couldn’t count past 100. Well done!
  • I just had the strangest dream that I was sleep-driving in the Nascar Championship.

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Talk Your Way Out Of Speeding Tickets