Great Reality TV Shows

January 1st, 2001

Liam Cody and Catholic schoolgirls.

Liam Cody hosts.

Survivor. Big Brother. Popstars. Treasure Island. Reality TV is the BIG THING. But really, the shows are all so boring.

Get some ordinary people, and put them in an unrealistic situation, and there you go. Cheap TV that everyone loves. But there’s something lacking.

This month, we outline the up-coming reality TV shows that the networks are planning.

  • 007 Survivor – Take seven ordinary people, put them on a desert island, and give them a licence to kill. The one who causes the most mayhem and saves the world gets the girl.
  • Armageddon – Entrust a bunch of Nuns to fly to an asteroid on a collision course with Earth, and blow it up with nuclear bombs. First one back to Earth gets to praise the Lord.
  • Dwarf Survivor – A group of twenty dwarves are placed on a tropical island. Each week, one of them is voted off the island. Last one to leave wins a pair of stilts.
  • Dragon Slayer – Each week, fifteen single twenty-something girls looking for love are forced to attend a fantasy role-playing game. Person who kisses the spottiest teenager wins.
  • Stowaway – Ten Iranian refugees must escape to freedom in Australia by sitting in a shipping container for six weeks. Winner gets a refugee visa on arrival. Everyone else is sent home.
  • Elvis Lives – A group of ten Elvis impersonators are left on a tropical island. Each week, they get clues to find the secret treasure: the world’s biggest stash of deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
  • Street Life – Twenty-seven conservative policitians are made to live in a public toilet. Last one to leave gets a dollar. How long will it be until their common decency outweighs their greed? This is a show that could last for years.
  • Dot-Com Survivor – A group of twenty ordinary computer nerds are given $100 million each. Most spectacular crash wins worthless share options in all the other companies.
  • Big Sister – 10 only-children are strapped into chairs and verbally taunted and attacked by professional big sisters until they truly believe they were an accident or adopted. Winner gets free lifetime counselling.
  • RockQuest – Conduct a nationwide quest to find a talentless plumber, a tone-deaf accountant, a musically-challenged computer programmer and a taxidermist, give them heaps of marketing and promotion, and turn them into a world-beating rock group.
  • Celebrity RockQuest – Just like RockQuest, but using the members of the Backstreet Boys.

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Great Reality TV Shows