Conversion Tables For The Real World

February 1st, 2002
Men in a urinal

Rate of turning wine into water = 2 litres per hour.

Every diary has one. A page of numbers and how many metres there are in a mile, pounds in a kilogram, and how to convert Celsius into Fahrenheit.

Pointless.

You never need to know that crap. We need conversions that help us in our every day lives. Conversions that will help us get by in the real world and make the right decisions.

Luckily, GORSKYS.COMedy has created them.

Real World Measurement Conversion
Flavour in a Big Mac to flavour in regular hamburger 0.0001 : 1
Tim Tams available to Tim Tams required at any given party 0.6 : 1
Stated penis length real length 2.6 : 1
Male orgasms to female orgasms on a dirty weekend 10 : 1
Male orgasms to female orgasms once he’s found her clitoris 10 : 400
Pleases to thankyous in average kindergarten 2 : 3
Pleases to thankyous in average office 0 : 0
Centimetres of gut per can of beer 1.04 : 6
Interesting magazines to out of date celebrity gossip rags in dentists office 1 : 18
Invoices sent to doctor for time spent in waiting room to invoices planned 1 : 3000
Politicians promises made to promises kept 4000 : 1
Birthdays remembered to birthdays forgotten 1.7 : 1
Weeks annual leave accrued to weeks desired 1 : 15
Wankers to dickheads in any given gathering of sales people 1 : 1
Beers stolen to beers drunk by their rightful owner at a student party 23 : 1
Threesomes had to threesome fantasies 1 : 16 million
Nice guys finishing last to finishing first 10,000 : 1
Sex articles to useful advice in Cosmopolitan magazine 40 : 1

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Conversion Tables For The Real World