Pet Ideas For Children

March 30th, 2007

Withered dead cats are a wonderful pet for children of all ages. They require no food, don't need to be cleaned up after and don't make a peep. (Photo: Peter Casamento Photography)

Pets offer children unconditional love. They rely on the child for care and nurture and as a result, the kid learns responsibility and the vital importance of more-than-monthly meals.

Pets are also creatures that have to put up with whatever treatment the kid dishes up to them, no matter how mean or cruel. This gives your child an invaluable insight into the secret joys of parenthood.

But kids really lack imagination. Every child wants a dog or a cat. Or a hamster.

There are hundreds of animals out there offering fantastic benefits as pets. Here are our preferred pets for children.

  • Piranha – Lets your kid get out of PE whenever they’re prepared to sacrifice a finger.
  • Tortoise – If your child is a slow runner, a tortoise will boost their confidence by allowing them to win every running race.
  • Make Chia Pets in the shape of human genitals to teach them about sex as they approach puberty.
  • Toads – These warty marvels can give a child valuable insights into the true power of witchcraft.
  • If your kid is a little forgetful about feeding their pet, a vampire bat is a great choice. An open-necked pair of PJs for your little darling will ensure the bat never goes hungry. Has the added upside of imparting eternal life as an undead lord to your youngster.
  • Polar bear – Rewards your child with bear hugs whenever they are offered fish. Unfortunately, their white fur means they show dirt.
  • Kangaroo – For very young children, the kangaroo’s pouch makes a great cubby house.
  • Owls – If your child loves Harry Potter, owls represent a wholesome alternative to nights in front of MSN Instant Messenger. Children into breeding owls could soon create a business to rival FedEx.
  • Octopus – Eight arms to hug you with.
  • Squid – Ten arms to hug you with.
  • Kraken – Ten arms to hug you with, plus huge, horrible teeth and the power to swallow a ship whole, which will scare off your child’s bullies.
  • It’s a little known fact that gorillas can be taught to speak using sign language, with a vocabulary of over 500 words. Giving your teenage son a gorilla is therefore likely to increase his vocabulary as he learns from his pet.
  • Boa constrictor – A hug from a boa constrictor is like a hug from no other pet.
  • Let your small-statured child walk tall as they ride their pet giraffe.
  • If your child is young enough to be learning to read, an aardvark is a great starting pet.
  • Mink – For the fashion-conscious girl, a mink represents a great pet. Not only are these lovable carnivores extremely cuddly, but when winter comes, their pelt makes a wonderful coat.
  • Cockroaches are excellent pets if your finances are stretched and your house-keeping skills less than adequate. Almost indestructible.

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Pet Ideas For Children