How George W. Can Win Back His Popularity

February 9th, 2007
Captain George W Spaulding

President Bush tries to lighten up his State of the Union speeches.

President Bush’s popularity has hit the skids. Recent polls show he’s so unloved, even his mother is considering disowning him.

That’s a shame for a man who showed so much promise. Only he could pronouce ‘nuclear’ in that special ‘nucluar’ way that really makes you wonder whether you should be able to launch a missile you can’t correctly pronounce. Only he could announce a ‘War on Terror’ that had massive support, then turn that very same war into a training ground for terrorists in Iraq. Only he could say ‘Mission Accomplished’ so early that, if the war was a woman, he’d have been claiming he’d got married when he’d simply spotted a nice-looking girl across the bar.

As an act of public service, we’ve looked at ways George Bush can win back his popularity.

  • Appear on the Simpsons pretending to be Al Gore.
  • Adopt an African child, and name it Saddam.
  • Star in an Internet sex video. It will raise his profile, and let us see the “real W.”
  • Increase his surge from 20,000 troops to 20,001 by going on patrol in Baghdad late one night.
  • Learn the electric guitar and perform a blistering solo on stage with Nickelback
  • Get the Whitehouse remodelled in an episode of “My Parents’ House” on HGTV
  • Do a “Wife Swap” with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
  • Dye his hair black, wear thick eye-liner and write an Emo hit about how depressing it is to be President.
  • Give everyone in the USA a puppy
  • Become world champion of Foosball.
  • Pull the troops out of Iraq, and re-deploy them to Disneyland, which is rumoured to have weapons of mouse destruction.
  • Get all future presidential speeches written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
  • Two words: Free gas.
  • Two words: I resign.

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How George W. Can Win Back His Popularity