Concepts For The Next Harry Potter Book

July 21st, 2003
Liam with J.K. Rowling

Liam tells J.K. Rowling about his great idea

J.K. Rowling has finally released the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

It’s about time. At the rate she’s churning them out, her youngest fans will be almost 20 by the time the seventh (and supposedly final) book is written.

This is, of course, because Rowling had a very bad case of writer’s block while writing Order of the Phoenix. Without being able to think of ideas, she couldn’t write a book.

This month, we suggest some great ideas for the next instalment Harry Potter series.

  • Harry Potter and the Terrible Headache – After years of flashing pains in the head, Harry’s doctor discovers the pain isn’t caused by his scar, but a malignant brain tumour.
  • Harry Potter and the Copyright Lawyer – Harry Potter sues J.K. Rowling for unauthorised use of this life story.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of Fries – Harry gets a job at McDonalds.
  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Get Stoned – Harry discovers marijuana.
  • Harry Potter and the Road Map To Peace – Harry’s magic powers encounter something even he can’t fix: Palestinian and Jewish stubbornness.
  • Harry Potter and the Year Not Much Happened – In a striking turn of events, Voldemort takes a year out from planning world domination, and has a holiday to Majorca, leaving Harry with not much to do.
  • Harry Potter and the Hobbit – Desperate for something to do, Harry reads a fantasy classic aloud to Ron.
  • Harry Potter and the Pregnancy Scare – Ron and Hermione have a close shave.
  • Harry Potter and the Order of Whiskey – Harry realises magic scars aren’t the only thing that can make your head hurt.
  • Harry Potter and the Years of Therapy – Harry takes a while to recover after walking in on Dumbledore in a hot, steamy session with Dobby.
  • Harry Potter and Friends On Ice – Towards the end of the franchise, the money-making attempts go decidedly down-market.
  • Harry Potter and the Dark Secret – Proving that Dumbledore is driven by the same lustful urges as any man, he and Harry share moments of pleasure, and a dark secret.
  • Harry Potter and the Crossover – Harry Potter teams up with the girls from Charmed to defeat Lord Vader.
  • Harry Potter and the Enormous Bill – Harry discovers that his education at Hogwarts wasn’t covered by his inheritance after all. Notable excerpts include applying for a bank loan, cleaning windshields at the intersection of Diagon Alley, and making monthly repayments.
  • Harry Potter and the Deluge of Spam – Harry goes online and discovers not even magic can stop spammers.

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Concepts For The Next Harry Potter Book