Great Things About Global Warming

February 15th, 2007

Spring Break will last for 6 months and everyone will be rocking it at The Poles.

Global warming is now an accepted scientific fact. It’s getting hotter, and the ice-caps are melting, and there’ll be more cyclones, and hurricanes, and tsunamis, and the world will melt like an ice-cream left in the sun. But it’s not all doom and gloom.

Global warming presents us with some fantastic opportunities. We just need to be brave enough to grab them, and run like hell.

This week, we look at some of the good things about global warming, and what it means for you.

  • A seaside home for every mountain-dweller
  • With temperatures soaring, people won’t burn fossil fuels to heat their houses.
  • No need to retire to Florida. The warmer climate is coming to you.
  • Bangladesh was a shit-hole anyway.
  • Lots of fresh, clean drinking water as the ice caps melt.
  • Girls will wear skimpy clothes even in winter.
  • No more of those annoying penguins dancing all over the place.
  • “Living underground” will no longer imply that you’re a spy.
  • You’ll be able to grow tropical fruit in your own bedroom, even if you live in Alaska.
  • Your friends wont be able to brag about their ski trips to the Alps.
  • No more lost mittens.
  • You’ll have an excuse to eat ice-cream all the time.
  • Al Gore will stop lecturing us all, and just say “I told you so.”
  • It will be too hot to exercise, so being a couch potato will be socially acceptable.
  • Dying and going to hell will make for a cool change.
  • Humans will have empathy with dinosaurs.
  • Kevin Costner’s film Waterworld will seem remarkably insightful, instead of just being remarkably awful.

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Great Things About Global Warming