Famous Last Words

December 4th, 2006

Caesar's final words were "Et tu Brute" but maybe he should have tried something like "Look! There's a giant spider behind you!"

Dying is something we all get to do. Bad comedians get to do it nightly, but for the rest of us it’s a in once-in-a-lifetime chance.

And we all want to be remembered for saying something profound, witty and memorable. For example, Liam wants his last words before snuffing it to be “Who’s this guy with the pitchfork and horns?”, thereby terrifying his mother who will assume he’s off to hell, but also convincing her that there is indeed a God.

On the other hand, Chris wants his last words to be recorded for posterity as “I’m getting better.”

This month, as a community service to the rich and famous, we thought we’d suggest what their famous last words should be.

  • Paris Hilton – Well, if Lindsay Lohan’s in heaven, I’m going to the party downstairs!
  • Sally Field – You love me. You really love me!
  • George W Bush – Mission accomplished!
  • Al Gore – My passing is also an inconvenient truth
  • Bill Clinton – Who wants a cigar?
  • Shane Warne – Pass me the phone, will ya? I wanna send a text to that cute nurse.
  • Steve Irwin – Crikey, look at the stinger on the ray! Let’s poke it with a stick.
  • Michael Richards – God is black! Man, I’m screwed.
  • Pope Benedict XVI – I see a man. He’s standing at the end of a corridor filled with light. And he’s holding a sign. It says ‘The Jews were right.’
  • Saddam Hussein – Wait a second. I’ll tell you where the WMD’s are…
  • Oprah Winfrey – Fuck the lot of you!
  • Ellen DeGeneres – Actually, I think I prefer men.
  • Bono – I’ve just worked out a better way to end poverty…
  • Bill Gates – Just between you and me, Windows sucks.
  • Steve Jobs – There is one more thing…
  • Angelina Jolie – I’d really like a rainbow funeral.
  • Madonna – Put the kids up for adoption when I’m gone.

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Famous Last Words