Computer Viruses We Want To See

August 24th, 2003

Britney Spears worm - takes over your CD drive, and refuses to play your Avril Lavigne CDs.

Computer viruses are running rampant. Blaster (aka LoveSan), SoBig, AnnaKournikova. ILoveYou. It’s as if there’s a virus for every possible human emotion or desire.

Of course, you can innoculate yourself with anti-virus software, but how paranoid is that. It’s like using a condom – it may be safe, but it takes the thrill out of it.

This month, we list some of the computer viruses we’d like to see.

  • George W. Bush worm – Masquerades as an anti-virus program. Invades your PC, deletes thousands of “suspected virus” files but can never find any actual viruses. Will take over your machine until it has destroyed everything.
  • Nerd From School virus – Gives your computer embarrassing acne and braces.
  • LoveSam virus – same as the LoveSan virus, but without the annoying spelling errors.
  • Viagara virus – Hijacks your computer and shows you photos of naked women. Guaranteed to make your penis grow 6″.
  • Microsoft worm – Reverses the effects of the Viagra Virus.
  • Weapons of Mass Destruction worm – hides your mouse so you can’t find it.
  • Free Speech virus – sends emails to all your friends telling them exactly what you think of them.
  • Mother virus – refuses to let you use your computer until you’ve cleaned your room.
  • John Howard virus – based on Australia’s Prime Minister. Turns your PC into a 1950’s typewriter.
  • Hamas virus – causes your laptop to explode whenever you hop onto a bus.
  • BBQ virus – literally burns CD ROMs.
  • Paper Clip worm – your computer offers you help to do things you’ve done a million times before.
  • Einstein worm – like the Paper Clip worm, but looks a little like Einstein.
  • Microsoft Help Desk worm – lke the Paper Clip worm, but your computer charges you $5 every time it tells you you look like you’re writing a letter.
  • Bank Fee virus – your computer charges you $5 per month, even if your don’t use it.
  • Oops, I Did It Again virus – your computer sings whenever you press Undo.
  • Elmer.Fudd Worm – changes all your R’s to W’s.
  • Alzheimer’s virus – your computer cant’ remember what the last step was to undo.
  • One Beer Too Many virus – turns your hard drive into a floppy.
  • Red Bull virus – causes your screen to shake and disables the sleep function. may cause computer to crash.

Tags > , , , , , , , , , ,

Computer Viruses We Want To See