Coffee Is Better Than Sex

October 1st, 2002

No one ever complains that your coffee equipment is too big.

We all know that “coffee” is the big dating double entendre.

“Would you like to come in for coffee?” ain’t the same as “would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”

Many people think they’re in interchangeable, but they’re wrong.

“A cup of coffee” means a cup of coffee. “Coffee” means sex.

This month, we look at reasons why a cup of coffee is better than an offer of sex.

  • A long black coffee is in fact long and black.
  • A capuccino is a guarantee of good head.
  • Coffee keeps you up all night. Sex makes you sleep.
  • You can always start the day with good coffee.
  • Coffee doesn’t leave hairs in your teeth.
  • Coffee always goes down smoothly.
  • Drinking coffee on your own doesn’t make you feel like a sad loser. Sex on you own does.
  • You don’t get into trouble for having coffee in front of your parents.
  • Spliing coffee in your bed leaves a wet patch, but you hardly ever spill it. There’s always a wet patch after sex.
  • You can have great coffee with your sister.
  • There’s no moral or ethical dilemma in paying for coffee.
  • Coffee tastes great.
  • A cup of coffee never complains if you want another. Sexual partners do.
  • No one calls you weird for wanting your coffee with milk. Combining sex and milk is an official fetish.
  • It’s forbidden to covet your neighbour’s ass, but the Bible doesn’t mention his coffee.
  • You can make coffee last as long as you want.
  • Cofffee doesn’t smell bad in the morning.
  • It’s OK for semen to taste of coffee. It’s not OK for coffee to taste like semen.
  • It is possible to drink a cup of coffee even when you’re really tanked.

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Coffee Is Better Than Sex