Dear Jo,
I was recently at a dinner party with my boss and work colleagues and my parents when I poisoned them all with a bottle of cyanide poured into the soup.
It seemed like a bit of a laugh at the time, but now I’m left with a problem.
How do I dispose of 27 bodies? Please reply soon as some of them are starting to smell.
Yours
Jon Jones
Flat 5
97 Curlewis St
Bondi Beach 2026
Sydney
PS I have had one of the neighbours threaten to call the landlord if I didn’t get rid of the smell by today.
How do I dispose of 28 bodies?
Jo’s Advice
Dear Jon
Removing bodies can be tricky. Obviously a friendly doctor who’s happy to say they all died of natural causes would come in handy here. What a pity you killed so many of your friends. My guess is you got rid of the doctor too.
Serial killers have used a number of strategies over the years, from chopping the bodies up and flushing them down the loo, through to using them as a novel insulation in the walls.
Personally, I think you should take the lead of the recent German train crash, which took out a great deal more than your poxy 28.
Here’s what to do.
- Buy a group booking on a train. 27 tickets will be adequate.
- Organise for a truck to crash off a bridge onto the train. I suggest ask your dead doctor friend to drive it, and put it on his AMEX card.
- Let the authorities find the bodies.
- Get off scott free.