Social Life Sucks

March 16th, 2007

“How can I improve my social life?

My only friends all have better things to do. Help!”

Brittany Plastic Fantastic

Chris’ Answer

Having a dire social life is indeed a completely awful thing. Luckily, in this modern day and age, there is a refuge for the boring, the uninteresting and the desperate: MySpace.com.

If you’re friends don’t actually want to spend time with you, then just open an account on MySpace, and try to make friends there. Your lonely Saturday nights will suddenly be full of exciting things like typing about how lonely your Saturday nights are, and checking out the “Cool New Videos” that other MySpace people have put up in an attempt to make their lives seem less lonely.

But MySpace need not be a solo adventure. Why not invite your friends over one night for a “MySpace MyShpash” party, in which you all get drunk, read MySpace pages, and try to find the biggest loser on the site. So long as you steer them clear of your page, you should have a fun time, and see your friends into the bargain.

Liam’s Answer

I used to be a lonely guy. I used to dread the weekends. Each Friday and Saturday night I would go to the pub, looking for love and giving myself a liver problem.

Then I found my true love: Guinness. Now I love the weekends. I can go to the pub, drink my love, and give myself a liver problem.

Of course, my social life still sucks. I have no friends, but usually I’m too drunk to care.

If you find Guinness is not to your taste, white wine, vodka or even saki will make you feel better.

And if you hang out at the pub every night, you’ll make a whole set of new friends who have nothing better to do than drink each evening.

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Social Life Sucks  

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