Short Girl

December 1st, 2003

“I am short. I read the tall article and wanted them to give me five inches or so.

I am 5’1″…maybe 5’2″.

I feel short. Perhaps because I am.

I feel so young and short. People think I’m 23 or 13, never 16, which is what I am.

Help? Help. Please.
BTW. I love you guys even though your answers are a joke.”

AJ

Liam’s Answer

AJ. Can I call you A for short?.

It’s tough being a freak. And 5’1″ is freakishly short. Except maybe in the first grade.

I live with a girl who’s 5’1″, and she often gets sad about her height. But then I remind her of all the great things her tiny stature allows. For example, she can bend and pick things off the ground much faster than me. And I can open the cupobards in the kitchen right over her head without even having to ask her to mind her head. And if the rubbish hasn’t been taken out, she can smell it a full second before me.

More importantly, she can buy capri pants and wear them as if their normal jeans. Or, she can buy normal jeans and have the most awesom turn up hems on them.

She’s a good sewer too. Whenever she buys somthing, she needs to shorten the legs or the sleeves. She’s the best hem-taker-er-upper-er in the world.

Plus, she’s now 26, and people think she’s only 13. When she’s 46, she’ll still look like a teenager. Many women pay thousands of dollars for cosmetic suregey to make them look young. My flatmate just needs to take off her platform shoes.

And I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. Height difference is no big deal. Everyone is the same height lying down. Except fat people, obviously.

Chris’ Answer

I saw in a magazine recently an article about a really short woman who had her legs broken, and then the bones were separated, and metal spikes were put in her legs, and she lay in traction for six months while the bones grew and she came out of it all two inches taller.

So, there’s hope.

Of course, that’s an incredibly painful operation, and you may not be keen to have it. But there’s another option.

Have your legs amputated as the thigh. Get wooden legs that make your 5’11″. Then no one will know that you’re actually short, and everyone will think you’re beautiful.

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