Red Herring Goat

January 1st, 2001

“Dear Gorskys,

I have a bit of a delicate problem. My girlfriend went away for a week and asked me to look after her pet goat. I thought this was a good opportunity to get the grass cut (smart thinking huh?), and readily agreed. I tethered the goat in the back yard and all was well till I was asked to do a spot of fishing down the coast with some friends on the weekend.

I asked the neighbours to keep an eye on the goat, which they were suspiciously willing to do (it all seems so clear in hind sight).

When I returned home I realised, due to some rather unpleasant yet strangely comical incidents, that the next door neighbours are devil worshippers.

They were good enough to return Huey after they had finished, minus certain vital organs and a pulse.

The local butcher has been kind enough to turn this into some lovely mince and a years supply of chops.

My question is – how do I tell my girlfriend that I pranged her car on the fishing trip?”

David

Liam’s Answer

You should not under any circumstances reveal any of this to your girlfriend. With a bit of luck, she will have had so many party drugs during her week away, she’ll have forgotten she owned a goat. Or a car.

Of course, there is the little problem of fixing the car up. you can hardly take it fishing again if it’s damaged.

Here’s where Satan Worshipping neighbours are such a boon.

All you need to do is stoll over to their house and offer to sell your soul to Satan in return for some panel beating and repair work.

Be sure to stipulate in the contract that the job needs to be independently verified by your local automobile assocation. Satan has been known to be almost as untruthful and unreliable as your average mechanic.

Good luck.

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Red Herring Goat