I Need A Problem

February 15th, 2003

“Dear Gorskys

I was reading your “Ask The Gorsky’s” and laughing at your humorous responses, and thinking that I should write in with a problem.

But I couldn’t think of anything.

Any ideas boys”


Liam’s Answer

It’s quite common for people to delude themselves that they have no problems. It’s not true, of course. We all have problems.

Some of them are more ingrained than others, but we are all plagued by deep-seated fears and anxieties that affect us every day.

For example, I am afraid of dying old and lonely. In a quest to beat my fear, I spend countless hours fruitlessly pursuing true love. I spend a fortune wooing women. I undertake activities I hate just in an attempt to meet someone special. I’ve eve travelled thousands of miles just for a chance to find true love.

And so far, it’s been pointless. It’s been a total waste of time.

So, to stop myself from dying old and lonely, I’ve contracted with the mafia to be killed on my 35th birthday. I may die lonely, but I won’t be old.

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I Need A Problem