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Hurricane Maria can’t stop wind

May 27th, 2008

“Over the past couple of weeks my bowels have been playing up, and when i’m in company, I feel the need to break wind. but as i feel that it is dirty and unsociable i try and hold it in which is giving me excruciating stomach pains!! What do you think i should do… Break wind in front of my friends? Or hold it in and have stomach ache?”

Maria Server

Gavin’s Answer

Some houses have a small utility room called a toilet that is built specifically as a place to break wind and do other unmentionable, dirty things. Whilst among company you can excuse yourself, go to the ‘toilet’ and break wind until the pain subsides.

Alternatively move to Australia where farting in public is considered F#*@ING HILARIOUS! You’ll be the most popular girl in town.

All the best,

Gavin Baskerville

James’ Answer

Passing wind in public is not embarrassing. Being embarrassed about passing wind in public is embarrassing. Therefore, you must commit to it. Blow loudly and proudly in front of your friends, perhaps prefixing the event with the words, “hey everybody look over here!” Then once you have peeled one off, nod sagely, inhale deeply and say, “wow. That smells like something has crawled into my anus and died”.

Far from being embarrassed, this will make you more popular. And when you walk down the street you will hear people say, “Hey look. There goes the farting lady”.

James Hazelden

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Hurricane Maria can’t stop wind