I am a CIA agent, and am currently keeping myself under surveillance for… myself.
I believe I am currently involved in a drug smuggling operation in Miami, Florida.
Can you help me?!”
You’re quite right to be suspicious of yourself. In this modern age of secrecy, and government misinformation it is rare for he left hand to know what the right one is doing. You could be the czar of a Colombian drug empire for all you know.
My advice is arrest yourself quickly. Hold yourself hostage in your bedroom, and refuse to come out unless the government gives you immunity. Promise to tell them everything you know about your activities for an extra million bucks.
Then, accept your proposal. Write yourself a check, and use the funds to flee to the Brazilian rainforest, where you can set yourself up as the czar of a Brazilian drug empire, and live like a king forever.