Help Me Make Conversation

November 29th, 2006

“Can you help me make conversation when I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.”

pasepa tonga

Liam’s Advice

Everyone’s favourite topic of conversation is themselves. I know that I find even talking about what I ate for breakfast are enormously interesting. Others may find it tiresome and dull, but that’s because they don’t realise just how interesting my life is.

As I was saying to someone the other day, “If more people were good listeners like you, then more people would hear about the time I was talking to someone the other day who I thought was a good listener, and then they turned out to be dead”.

Use your boyfriend’s pre-occupation with himself to your advantage. Turn the conversation onto him at every available opportunity. Remember to ask specific questions. For example, this is the sort of conversation you may be having now:

You: Hi boyfriend.

Boyfriend: Hi.

You: Wassup?

Boyfriend: You know. The usual.

You: Cool.

Boyfriend: You?

You: Same old same old.

Boyfriend: Cool.

You: Um…

Boyfriend: Um…

You: I gotta go.

Boyfriend: Um…

You: Bye.

Boyfriend: See ya.

That’s not very helpful. You’ve got to get specific. Ask about breakfast, and the conversation just flows on from there, as in the following actual conversation I had recently.

You: Hi boyfriend.

Boyfriend: Hi.

You: What did you eat for breakfast?

Boyfriend: Why?

You: Um… well, you looked kind of stronger and more manly today, and I thought it may have been what you ate for breakfast.

Boyfriend: Are you saying I don’t look manly?

You: You looked more manly. What’s the secret?

Boyfriend: Corn flakes, I guess.

You: With sugar, or without.

Boyfriend: Six teaspoons.

You: Six! You’ve sure got a sweet tooth.

Boyfriend: That’s not all I got that’s sweet, honey.

You: You had honey too?

Boyfriend: No.

You: Are you allergic to bees?

Boyfriend: I gotta go.

You: Are you incontinent too?

Boyfriend: Huh? No. I gotta go someplace. Bye.

You: See ya.

Following that conversation, you now know your boyfriend has an appalling diet, a possible allergy to bees, and a meeting. These are the makings of further conversations in the future.

Chris’ Answer

Boys are notoriously shy and inarticulate, and don’t want to talk about themselves. Whatever you do, don’t ask him personal stuff like what he ate. The best way to make a conversation with your boyfriend is to give him a blow-by-blow description of a conversation you had in the changing rooms after gym, in which you and all the other girls agreed that Mandy is a complete scrag and you hate her.

Guys love hearing about that.

The snoring sounds are to let you know he hasn’t put the phone down to play on his Playstation.

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