Bikini Squeezy

December 7th, 2006

“I’m an average weight. I lost 3kg but put back on 7kg. I’m sick of everyone being so skinny compared to me. I’m going to Airlie Beach in a week and I want to be able to wear a bikini.”

Jasmine Fitzgerald

Chris’ Answer

I’m not trying to be overly negative about your dieting, but I think the idea is to lose 7kg, then put on 3kg. That technique would have you in a nice new pair of Speedos within a week.

As it is, if you keep dieting like you have, you’ll have trouble squeezing into the Airlie Beach, let alone a bikini.

The big problem with most diets is that people keep on breaking them. And when they break them, they binge. You’d never consider eating 19 Big Macs in a sitting until you’ve spent a week on a celery and water diet.

My suggestion is pretty radical. Buy swim wear that is flattering to a fat lady. On day one of your trip, just eat a little bit less than normal, and exercise more by going into the water and swim for at least 30 minutes. Then, on day two, eat a little bit less than normal, and exercise by going for a swim or a jog. On day three, you can go crazy and mix it up a little bit: exercise more, and eat less.

If you keep up that regime for a few months, you’ll be able to reward yourself with a bikini (or a very small plate of celery).

Liam’s Answer

What’s the deal with girls wanting to wear bikinis at the beach? It didn’t happen when I was a kid. In those days, girls went to the beach stark naked. Of course, I was raised in a nudist colony.

It’s very annoying that so many people are so skinny these days. It’s just not natural. A few hundred years ago, being fat was a status symbol – it showed you were rich enough to eat. It’s only in the modern, Western world where food is so plentiful that only the rich can afford to be skinny.

So, I’d ditch Arlie Beach. It’s only a holiday spot in Queensland, after all, and everyone will look at your fatty folds with disapproval. Instead, head to Ethiopa, where all the starving locals will be jealous of your lovely, large belly. And because Ethiopia has no beaches, you won’t need to worry about looking ridiculous in a bikini.

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Bikini Squeezy  

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