When you said you liked animals, I didn't think you meant like that.
It’s an increasing phenomenon. More and more people meet and fall in love online. They’ve never met, but there’s an intense emotional bond between them.
One day, it gets too much, and they arrange a secret rendezvous. Sometimes at a bar. More often at a seedy motel, so they can shag like rabbits and really do all those things they’d told each other.
And that’s where reality hits.
Often, your cyber lover isn’t quite as you’d expected.
Don’t express your disappointment, though. There’s no reason to be rude. It’s unlikely you told the complete truth, either, after all.
This month, we look at the things you should avoid saying when first meeting your cyber lover.
- Nice beard. Sue.
- You sure type better than you look.
- You know, I wish life had an undo key.
- I thought you said your body was “average” sized. You never said “for an elephant”.
- Great set of wheels. It’s a pity about the chair.
- Is it OK if I use my laptop to cyber with my Russian mail-order bride while we do it?
- When you said you were ‘fragrant’, I didn’t think it meant you had the worst body odour problem since mankind stopped living in swamps.
- Nice tits, Greg.
- I am a little disappointed that you brought along you husband, yes.
- Well, on reflection, it does make sense that your a fat, pale, pasty geek, yes. You are online 24 hours a day, every day, after all.
- I’m sorry I didn’t mention that I’ve got AIDS. But hey! I’m here now, so let’s shag.
- You’re a lot balder than I imagined, Kathy.
When you said you liked children, I didn’t expect you to bring some with you? Oh, they’re yours, are they?
So you’re not really an anorexic, obsessive compulsive, single, vegetarian, amputee, body building, pig shooting, orphan with red hair and narcissistic nymphomaniac tendencies looking to experiment?
You wanna see the pimples on my ass?
I’ve got a huge one on my right cheek…
All of my previous boyfriends have left me because they say I talk too much. But I think the internet is just the place for me because I type very slowly. On the other hand, I can say roughly 3 words per second. Dont you find that amazing? Everyone else tells me I talk really fast. They say Im a talking machine, as if my only purpose in life was to talk. You dont think I talk too much do you? cuz I really like you and I want to meet you again some other day. I know this place… its just about three blocks from here, and its absolutely gorgeous………. .. . . . . . .
NOW I now why you don’t have webcam.
I’d like to phone a friend please, Eddie.
I’m here on behalf of my brother to tell you he couldn’t make it today. He died 3 years ago.
Do you mind if I kiss your dog instead?
Does that thing on your face have a name?
“I’m arresting you for coercing a minor and attempting to take them to your place of abode illegally. You do not have to say anything in your defence, but anything you do say will be taken down and used in a court of law. Do you understand your rights?”
Weren’t you in that ad. for Michellin?
Oh good God! I thought you just had something stuck to your face in the photo. What IS that?
What? the gut? Yeah, it’s part of my conditioning for the martial arts I told you about.
The lip plate? Yeah, that too.
F1! F1! F1!
(Thats the help key)
I was going to ask you were you got your hallowe’en mask from, but maybe I shouldn’t bother.
Holy Mother of GOD!!!! Um… I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m very Catholic… em… er… No it’s not because of you! It’s… it’s just that… is that hump REAL?!?!
I listen to the Backstreet Boys all the time.
WHOA!!! A LIVING NEANDERTHAL!! When did someone defrost you?
No sorry. I’m not “romance2000″. I’m his more up to date version, “romance2003″. He sent me to tell you that he is eloping with another girl and says sorry but he’d pay me to shag you to make up for it.
My credit card number is……
Im Saddam’s Number 1 fan
GO IRAQ!!!
Holy shit, Look, Ive gotta go… the CIA is after me again!!
No hablo ingles
I just love Charles Manson’s work, dont you?
I’d like you to meet my Mum and Dad. They still wont let me go out without them.
Im not a virgin!
IM NOT!
I’ve had sex with my hand before.
Hi, My name is Rob and I’m a dentist and thats why I can’t show you my face…..
Honey, what the..? Why were you in the wannahavesex room?
No, really, take off the fur coat! Oh… it’s actually YOUR fur… Well, as long as you don’t reproduce ASEXUALLY I’m ok with that, let’s shag.
Doesn’t everybody like to cross-dress???
Whoa!! Nice Chewbacca outfit!!! Im a STARWARS fan myself!!
WHAT?!?! that ain’t a costume? Whoops!