Terrence & Spider - two bouncers it's worth getting to know.
It’s tough being a kid. All the fun’s being had inside the nightclub, but you’re not allowed in just because of those pesky underage drinking laws.
Well, don’t let that stop you. This month, we offer some useful advice on how to party like a grown up, even if you’re not.
- If you’re 16, hold your ID upside down, and pass yourself off as 91.
- An internet year is the equivalent of seven in the real world, so every hour on ICQ is the equivalent of a day in real life. This means the average web-addicted teenager is really 43.
- Confuse the bouncer. When he asks your age, just give him your birthdate, and let him do the math.
- It’s best to use wit and intelligence to get past the bouncer, but sometimes $20 will do.
- Pay nine 13 year olds to line up in for the club in front of you – they’ll get knocked back for being so young; you’ll look old in comparison, and be let right in.
- Never having kissed anybody is a clue you’re young or very religious. Neither is good for getting into clubs, so lie if asked. But be convincing. 10 is a reasonable number. 10 million is not.
- It may be cool to get to know the bouncer, but don’t invite him to your school’s football game.
- Bouncers like to think of themselves as being the peak of physical perfection. Challenge him to do 4,000 push ups. While he’s demonstrating, go into the club.
- Remember, a long coat and a ten-year old sitting on an 11 year old’s shoulders makes a 21 year old.
- Don’t play hopscotch while waiting in line.
Walk casually up to the bouncer, if he asks for ID say "sure.." and start to reach into your pocket. all of a sudden, point to something behind him and scream a choice phrase. eg: "oh my god! what the hell was that!", "whoah! its not every day you see that", "look – a distraction!" etc.
as the guard turns to look, casually sneak in, go to the toilets, and shave your head so he doesnt recognise you.
Borrow a friend’s ID, preferably a friend over 21 that looks like you and tell them you were sick when you had the photo taken.
Walk in holing a girls or boys hand, when you get to the door pretend to be in the middle of a conversation/ arguement about money or something, the bouncers won’t want to interfere.
Get your 18+ friends to go into the club and quickly open the back doors whilst no-one is looking. Make a mad dash for the toilets and stay in there for 10-15 minutes. Then casually walk out and join the party!
PS: Mobile phones come in handy for timing the whole event
All the regulars in the bar, are always well known and liked, so just tell the bouncer your a brother or a sister of one of these regulars, they will be very suprised, and just say head on in, ( just did that the other week ago )
Ask for a shovel on your 8th birthday…keep digging in the direction of the club and by the time you are a teen you should be there….oh yeah, just hope that they havn’t relocated the club in the meantime
Just sneak in with the croud.
Make a fake ID from some European country. (How many people know what a Euro ID is supposed to look like?) If they ask you any questions say you don’t speak English in some phoney accent.
Bouncers only need to see plenty of flesh, and a cigarette in your hand, and you’re in. If these don’t work, get your mum’s credit card, pretend it’s your. Voila!
Flirt with the bouncer, show some skin, smoke a cig, and then when he leats expects it, run in!
Get your 18 year old mates to start a fight. As the bouncer goes to break it up, run in the club.
Tell the bouncer that you are under 18 and that you are desperate to go to the toilet and nowhere else is open – he lets you in, you walk out three hours later complaining about the complex club and how you got lost.
Get on the bouncers good side by telling him that the “eagle” tattoo looks great on him, but you unfortunatly saw a dead eagle right outside the door. While he’s looking up in the sky for the dead eagle, you’ll have plenty of time to sneak in.
Pretend to be really sick and run inside to use the toilets, but just stay in there. Wait about 10 minutes so they forget about you, then walk out of the toilets and party on.
Say you feel ill, and need to sit down and they’ll take you inside for a seat, the you can slide off easily into the club! Always a winner for me!
What you have to do is dab some stubble on your cheeks with crayon. If that doesn’t work, borrow your dad’s credit card and simply tell the bouncer that you left your license in the car.
hump the bouncers leg.
well i was with a group of people for a party all wearing wigs, so i put on a wig and fake beard and walked straight into the pub with the boys
Light the bouncer on fire and when he reacts, run in like you dont know what is going on. (Trust me it works, I’ve tried it before.)
Walk in naked and get your older friend to take in a bag of clothes – party away!
When the bouncer asks you to produce ID, explain to him that you are against the introduction of ID cards and don’t want to pay £300 for a driver’s licence just to prove who you are, and so do not carry any ID as a protest. The average person in England with a political opinion is 50-something, so if you look 17 just say you used botox.
Get your mums eyeliner and draw wrinkles (finely – the smaller the more realistic). Around the eyes is good. Being female helps. Stuff a small pillow up your dress and pretend you are pregnant. Put on your mums wedding and engagement ring.
When the bouncer stops you at the door, confuse him by saying something like "Is what the mule times thirteen sheep plus the percentage of a donut the hole takes up! Solve it!" While he is trying to work out what you said, hit him with an umbrella and run inside. Heh heh heh.
Challenge the bouncer to a pube fight and hope he shaves his nuts.
Change your name by deed poll to "On the Guest List". That way when the door knobs ask whether you are "on the guest list?", you pull out your ID and waltz on through.
Throw dog crap on the dude and run in and hide in the bath room on top of the toilet.
Pash off someone of the same sex as yous’re lining up.
Follow a few good, well known, older friends maybe with some "special passes" into the club.
Find someone who has been granted entry and see what their stamp looks like. get a black pen and draw your own stamp. if questioned, say its from a club down the street-if it looks like they aren’t buying your story, sweet talk them by telling them the other club was shit and their is so much better!
What NOT to do: girls-don’t wear your frilly party dress, and guys-don’t get over dressed up and turn up in a tux. The bouncers may not be smart, but they aren’t completely clueless!