Terrific Toast Tid-Bits

May 1st, 2002
toast Terrific Toast Tid Bits

Toast crumbs in the bed are natures way of telling you to clean the sheets.

Toast. It’s one of the best inventions since sliced bread. In fact, it’s the reason sliced bread was invented. Probably.

But you don’t see many monuments to it, do you. No large bronzed pieces of toast in the middle of a park.

Then again, there are no monuments to sliced bread either, which is weird, if you think about it, since it’s the invention by which all others are measured. But that’s another story.

Anyway, in order to rectify the situation, this month, we take a look at some terrific things about toast that you never knew.

  • A watched toaster never ‘pops’, but closing your eyes doesn’t seem to speed things up either.
  • People have double standards about toast. Toast really just dries out bread, but people don’t complain when you serve toast. Serve dry bread, though, and you’ve got a whole other story.
  • Toasting day-old bread makes it fresh, but toasting day-old children kills them
  • Toasted bread is good; roasted bread is not.
  • You don’t toast people with toast.
  • In fact, you don’t actually toast the person at all.
  • Serving peanut butter on toast after a hot date that goes exceptionally well, is acceptable. Serving it while on the hot date is guaranteed to make it go exceptionally poorly.
  • If you take a lot of drugs, you’re toasted, but if you toast a lot of drugs, you’ve just wasted them.
  • The world is divided into three kinds of people: those who prefer toast hot; those who prefer toast cold, and those who skip breakfast.
  • Dr Seuss’ unpublished sequel to The Cat In The Hat is Back was A Roast on The Coast is Served on Toast.
  • Toast is socially acceptable for dinner only on Sunday nights.
  • Butter melts on toast, but toast doesn’t melt on butter.

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Terrific Toast Tid-Bits

Your Terrific Things About Toast

  1. You can`t put toast in the toaster only bread.

    Current score: 0

    queenie [27/04/2004]

  2. If you’re trying to impress somebody, i.e. a new girl/boyfriend or a visiting dignitary, cut your toast diagonally. It’s far more sophisticated, and it can be thrown like a boomerang.

    Current score: 0

    Lucky Lucky Jimmy Jimmy [07/01/2003]

  3. You dont make a sandwich with toast, but it is perfectly acceptable to toast a sandwich.

    Current score: 0

    The Toastmaster [07/01/2003]

  4. You can turn bread into toast, but you can’t turn toast back into normal bread.

    Current score: 0

    Johnny Casino [07/01/2003]

  5. Toast Tech Tip #3 – Toast cannot, and should not be used as a floatation device, whatever the circumstance.

    Current score: 0

    will.i.am [07/01/2003]

  6. If toast is made with bread why isn’t bread made with toast? And why don’t toaster pastries look anything like toast?

    Current score: 0

    Andrea [07/01/2003]

  7. Toast Tech Tip #4 – Pieces of toast do not make very good yo-yo’s.

    Current score: 0

    will.i.am [07/01/2003]

  8. Toast is not an end in itself. It is a means to an end. And that end is to serve up cinnamon sugar. To get the maximum amount of cinnamon sugar, you must 1. Toast until the bread is warm and light brown, but not too crisp. 2. Use margarine, not butter. Margarine sits on surface of the toast and allows more cinnamon sugar to be absorbed. 3. Apply cinnamon sugar until it’s absorbed by the melting butter, and then add just a little bit more loose on top. Obviously, the toast shouldn’t be cut, or the precious cinnamon sugar will be lost. 4. While eating, begin toasting the second piece of toast.

    Current score: 0

    Scott [07/01/2003]

  9. Recommended Usage of Toast (RUT): Eat. Under no circumstances should you insert into a VCR, no matter what is said on a TV commercial.

    Current score: 0

    delusionsofgrandeur [07/01/2003]

  10. No matter what anyone tells you, toast WILL NOT take the place of a Sears catalog in the outhouse.

    Current score: 0

    Bruce Weible [07/01/2003]

  11. Hey, that buttered toast on the cat’s back doesn’t make sense! If the toast is on the cat’s back and you drop the cat, the cat will land on it’s feet and the toast will stay well off of the floor beacuse it’s on the cat’s back. Therefore no matter how much tikka masala you use nor how white the carpet is, the cat never float in mid-air! What you really need to do is suspend the toast, buttered-side-down from the cat’s belly so that it is hanging at the exact same height at the bottom of the cat’s feet (ie. at floor level when the cat is standing). That way, when the cat is dropped and just before it lands (on it’s feet) the repelling force of the buttered toast will cause the cat to levitate.

    Current score: 0

    Ravi Potter [07/01/2003]

  12. Toast is great for stuffing into your pants so your package looks bigger.

    Current score: 0

    Sexy clown [07/01/2003]

  13. You notice that your boss is stealing office supplies.

    Current score: 0

    D Seebs [07/01/2003]

  14. No matter what your Dad says it doesn’t taste the same if you just scrape off the burnt bits with a knife.

    Current score: 0

    C.W.Hague [07/01/2003]

  15. Toast maybe at the bottom of the food pyramid, but pyramids made of toast to bury loved ones are not such a good idea.

    Current score: 0

    Jimmy McBla [07/01/2003]

  16. I reckon the dial on the side of the toaster is there for decoration. I don’t know the name for it, I just call it the charcoalometer. No matter what number you put it on it always comes out to burnt.

    Current score: 0

    Mike Robinson [07/01/2003]

  17. Toast Of The Nation: If we didn’t accept thousands of Vietnamese refugee in the 70′s, we wouldn’t have vietanemese bread shops today.

    Current score: 1

    madgorgon [07/01/2003]

  18. Students prefer everything on toast because it is cheap, easy to cook and a lot easier than actually using the brain for it’s proper use. Not so much a toast tid bit but a tearful sob directed at the worlds students…

    Current score: 0

    Gordy Clarke [07/01/2003]

  19. Toast is crunchy, you cant get that with any kind of bread!

    Current score: 0

    nick [07/01/2003]

  20. Toast spelled backwards is tsaot. That’s not the interesting part, though. This is: tsaot spelled backwards is toast. weird huh?

    Current score: 0

    That Guy with the Face [07/01/2003]

  21. If we didn’t have Toast, Vegemite sales would plummet!

    Current score: 0

    Robert [07/01/2003]

  22. For all you bar owners: Toast can be used as a cheap replacement for beer coasters and they soak up more beer than a standard one.

    Current score: 0

    Tango Man [07/01/2003]

  23. "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

    Current score: 0

    D Seebs <span class="josanswer">[Good question, and <a href="http://www.begent.freeserve.co.uk/toast.htm">here’s the answer</a>. – Liam]</span> [07/01/2003]

  24. Toast has been around since the dawn of time, bout a week after sliced bread. They thought the idea would never catch on.

    Current score: 0

    shanon goodbody [07/01/2003]

  25. The sharing of Toast between Grant and Lee was solely responsible for the ending of the American Civil War.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [07/01/2003]

  26. In ancient times a want to be groom would need to present his father in law to be with many a piece of toast to gain approval. Although now replaced with slabs of beer the toaster is still used as a common gift at weddings in respect of the ancients.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [07/01/2003]

  27. Toast Tech Tip : Toast cannot be used to replace the FlashCard of your digital camera.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [07/01/2003]

  28. Toast Tech Tip #2: Toast is generally known to be more stable than MS Windows and can handle multiple applications of different brand butters without interfering with your choice of coffee.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Brisbane [07/01/2003]

  29. If you cut your crusts off your toast, don’t throw them out. Take them to your next footy match – they make great tasting mouthguards, and give you that carb burst you need late in the third quarter.

    Current score: 0

    Tonya Todman [07/01/2003]

  30. You can toast with wine, but you can’t whine with toast!

    Current score: 0

    Laura Prado [07/01/2003]

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