Reasons Sylvester Stallone Needed 46 Vials Of Human Growth Hormone

March 16th, 2007
Liam Cody and Chris Tomkins allegedly take delivery of human growth hormones from Sylvester Stallone

Sylvester Stallone lost 46 vials of Human Growth Hormone on the way to the drop-off point, but Liam and Chris are both thrilled to receive the rest of their order, and are looking forward to starring with Mr Stallone in his latest upcoming sequel, 'Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot Up'.

Sylvester Stallone’s publicity tour for Rocky Balboa went horribly wrong when he was accused of smuggling 46 vials of human growth hormone into Australia at Sydney Airport. Charges were laid, and we’re yet to hear what Sly’s excuses will be.

Facing a fine of over $20,000, the reason he gives better be a good one.

To help him out, we thought we’d become unofficial members of his legal defence team and devise some good excuses for having what most doctors would refer to as “a massive truckload” of HGH. Here they are:

  • He knows a lot of dwarfs who’d like to be a little bit taller.
  • Without the drugs, he’s built like Napoleon Dynamite.
  • His secret yearning is to be a female body builder at the 2008 Olympics.
  • He thought HGH stood for Home-made Ginger Hedgehogs, which are his favourite snack.
  • He ordered 4-6 vials from the drug company, but they misread his order.
  • He doesn’t use the human growth hormone to grow muscles. Instead, he uses the 46 vials as additional ballast in his weight-lifting routines.
  • He was planning to test it out on some kangaroos as research for his next Rocky movie, Rocky vs Kangaroo Jack.
  • It’s not about the body building any more: he just likes the taste.
  • It’s a little-known fact that Sylvester Stallone is dyslexic, and he thought it was Humane Growth Hormone – a biological agent he believes will bring about world peace.
  • His entourage is full of women who want to be men.
  • He was flying Qantas on the return flight home, and needed something he could offer as payment for a quickie in the toilets.
  • He’d seen photos of Australia’s Prime Minister, John Howard, in a track suit, and thought he could do with some extra meat on his bones.
  • Drinking raw eggs only takes a man so far.
  • He was hoping to attend the FINA World Swimming Championships in Melbourne, and thought some of the American competitors might need a little boost to help them beat Aussie champ Grant Hackett.
  • He thought he had 50 vials, but can’t count that high.
  • They’re not for consumption. Each vial is filled to a different level that makes a perfect musical note. This allows him to tap out the theme to Rocky on them whenever he’s feeling blue about the rest of his career.
  • It’s a little known fact that US Customs limits are 200 cigarettes, 1 litre of alcohol, and 100 vials of human growth hormone.

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Reasons Sylvester Stallone Needed 46 Vials Of Human Growth Hormone

Readers' Helpful Reasons

  1. he was secretly making a clone so he could make the movie "rocky v.s. rocky"

    Current score: 0

    steven ambroz [13/12/2007]

  2. Because all the cool people are doing it…

    Current score: 0

    CozB [07/05/2007]

  3. "Adrienne!"

    Current score: 0

    Jason Hogue [25/03/2007]

  4. “Law? I Am The Law!” (In voice of Judge Dredd)

    Current score: 0

    Wee Mad [19/03/2007]

  5. The drugs are just to help with his life long speech impediment, he was just too shy to admit it.

    Current score: 0

    Wee Mad [19/03/2007]

  6. Sly is not a single organism. He is a symbiotic arrangement of 46 dwarves. If you look closely you can see the individual members of his anatomy. Anyway those vials are merely one for every member of the Sly Stallone Complex.

    Current score: 0

    Peter Lee [15/03/2007]

What do you think Sly should use as an excuse?

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