Surviving The Recession

December 1st, 2008
Plasma TV (honestly, the joke is lost in text format - better something that displays images..)

Instead of buying the family an expensive new plasma TV, Mr. Smith settled for a bag of plasma.

Here we are on the verge of recession. Times are tough and they’ll probably only get tougher. It’s all a bit of a shock, and a lot of people are wondering: “How do you survive a recession?”

We think the best place to turn for answers is old people – they lived through a ‘Great Depression’ in the 1930s, which sounds a lot worse than a recession.

What the old people will tell you (after having told you about their various ailments), is that in their day they had to get creative in order to make it through. Playing charades at home instead of going out to the movies, standing around a piano having a sing-a-long rather than going out to a karaoke bar or using earwax, and nose hairs to make makeshift candles.

Yes, the old people were creative and courageous, so we thought we would engage some of that ‘olde-time’ ingenuity to come up with our own ways to live more frugally through the economic downturn.

  • Keep your mobile-phone conversations short and sharp – rather than “I have some bad news, Jimmy.. your Aunt Cecilia has passed away” try “Cecilia. Dead. Bye.”
  • Make a delightful, long-lasting table arrangement by putting a dead stick into a vase. Makes an excellent conversation piece.
  • An old pair of underpants can become a delightful tea-cosy. Makes an excellent conversation piece.
  • Belly-button fluff can be saved up over the warmer months and then spun and knitted into a lovely scarf for the winter.
  • Always visit your friends around mealtimes.
  • Spend a little money having your stomach stapled so you can’t eat as much of your food rations.
  • Have your car converted Flintstones-style with a hole in the bottom so you can walk your car to work.
  • A thimble of methylated spirits mixed with orange juice makes a refreshing summer beverage. Whatever you do, don’t smoke.
  • Buy a good colour photocopier and photocopy your remaining dollars to multiply your savings.
  • Save your used Band Aids® to stick posters on your wall.
  • To turn toast back into bread, scrape and soak in water.
  • Use both sides of the toilet paper.
  • Why waste money on a baby sitter? Lock your kids in a cupboard.
  • Paint colours on the leaves of your weeds to make them look like flowers.
  • No dishwasher? Try popping your dishes in the washing machine.
  • Save on power bills by replacing our high-wattage light bulbs with broken ones.

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Surviving The Recession