If bananas in your trolley isn't attracting a partner, being dressed AS a banana should do the trick.
True love can be found in the most unlikely places.
Romeo met Juliet at a party. Harry met Sally in a cross-country drive. Lois Lane met Superman at work.
This month, we show you how to find true love at your local supermarket.
- A bunch of bananas in the child seat of his shopping trolley signifies that a man is single and searching.
- A bunch of bananas in a woman’s trolley shows she is single but satisfied.
- The sanitary napkins aisle is a great place to find women.
- The fruit and vegetable section is a poor place to find single men.
- The nappies aisle is a great place to meet single mothers.
- The vanilla essence aisle is a great place to meet secret alcoholics.
- The pre-prepared frozen dinner cabinet is a great place to find men.
- “Can you direct me to the bananas?” is a good pick up line. “Let’s do it in the car park” is not.
- Never ask a woman to join you in the pre-prepared frozen food cabinet for a quickie.
- Buying engine oil shows you love your car. Buying sexual lubricant shows you love it too much.
- Asking the checkout chick whether she “fancies a chomp on my banana” can have you arrested. Especially if there are none in your trolley.
A CARROT MAKES A GOOD LOVE SUBSTITUTE!(APPARENTLY- I FOUND A WILTED ONE ONCE IN THE BATHROOM AT THE GROCERY STORE I WORK AT!YUCK!)
Never tell a girl she has big knockers then ask ‘Can I kiss them?’ unless you want to be slapped.
Go to the friut and veg section find the biggest sack of potatoes, grab it, go up to the woman you desire and ask her to marry you. If she says no, just whack her over the head and drag her to your car.
Follow your cutie to the deli counter and ask most innocently “Blimin ‘ell, thats a whopping great frankfurter. You see, I’m making ‘toad in the hole’ tonight, fancy trying it?” wink*wink
At the check out say to the guy behind you “Four words: homecooked three course meal.” Saves on tranport costs or the need to hang out in bars first
Men found in the grapes section are insecure about their body.
Don’t wear any clothes and see if that attracts anyone. Don’t forget to wax.
You see a cute man working in the fresh meat dept. Go up to him and tell him. “I like the way you pack your beef”
Go up to a girl and say “I know there is a set of behaviors one must go through before procreation, but I am unknowledgeable of these behaviors. Could you just assume I did them?”
Guys, forget the food section and go to the ladies underwear department. Pretend you’re a salesman and you specialize in panties. Just before you close the sale, tell her you have to go back and finish your other 2 jobs: watering the flowers and arranging the poetry books. If you don’t find true love after trying this a few times, you might as well go back to your wife.
If you see a top looking sex-bomb coming towards you with her trolley, flag her down. Start conversation with something like you are a mechanic and was wondering if her trolley was a manual or automatic.
When a beautiful women is coming your way, pretend to fall asleep in the aisle. When she tries to wake you, ask her to pinch you because you must be dreaming.
If you want to start to chat up a good looking girl in the supermarket and use the line: "Havn’t we met somewhere before?", make sure you are actually in the supermarket and NOT a VD clinic. Otherwise, results can be quite painful.
Go to the checkout with a pack of condoms and say "Do you come with these or do i have to ring a Number?"
Go to the meat section and say "Could I have a hot beef injection"
I went to the supermarket one fateful day, our eyes met across a crouded aisle, and I took her into my arms, and took her home with me. When we got home, I made coffee, stuck her in to oven for 70 minutes, then sliced her open, filled her with butter, and ate her. She was a potato.
It’s not a good idea to buy diarrhea medicine in front of someone you are trying to pick up, especially not if you are buying it in bulk or large quantities. And especially not if you are buying an incredible amount of prune juice with it. But if you feel you must, slip in a few condom packages, and tell the hottie that they can help try them on later while the two of you drink prune juice.
Buy a box of cone icecreams and open it before you get to the checkout. Take out an icecream and lick it slowly while making eye contact with the one you’re keen on…in any aisle. Stick the top of the cone in your mouth and don’t break the eye contact while slowly moving it in and out of your mouth. Ff this doesn’t break the ice…well just keep going…eventually it will. It has to.
Whilst i was doing my daily shopping i came across a large, stiff and hot…carrot. I then had an urge to find the peeler section, which i did — i found the largest peeler there. I then got my juicy, ripe and dripping…carrot and peeled it slowly in front of one of the delicatessen staff. I watched her slowly, as she became all hot and sticky, and she started making these weird groaning noises… which then became a little overboard so i continued with my shopping.
Suddenly i realised that i had been dreaming the whole time whilst i was standing in line. And as i came to my senses i realised that i had shaving my penis with the grater the whole time, and that the latge overweight lady in front of me was the one who was groaning. The End.
Show off your driving skills with a trolley
While living in Port Melbourne a colleage at work suggested that the best way to pick up chicks was singles night at the local Coles Supermarket in Bay Street.
Placing a bunch of bananas in the top fold-out part of the trolley indicated your availablity.
People actually approaching you as a result of this was entirely up to their discretion.
I was never approached.
A sure way to impress the girls is to hold a bunch of bananas to your crotch, and snicker as you look at them. Then mutter "Not even close are you guys".
Go to the ice lollies asile and tell her that you’ll give her something juicy and temporarily hard to suck on. trust us, this works, how else do you think we became so satisfied
Never ask a woman if she could show you her cantelopes or melons
Go to the mop and broom aisle and get a broom handle, preferably the thickest one. Then proceed to the produce section and begin eating grapes seductively, letting the juices flow down your chin. If a woman approaches you and responds positively, your in there. If she says something like, "hey your stealing grapes!" hit her with the broom handle and run like hell.
I found out the hard way, That if you are interested in a Chick at the supermarket, IT IS NOT in your best intrest to hit her with a sack of Poatoes. *Snifle* She didn’t even call me from Intensive care…
One word:cucumber. Need I say more?
If you meet her in the sanitary napkins aisle, tell her how much more absorbant weetbix is for that "time of the month".