Superheroes We Want To See

September 25th, 2010
catwoman53071 200x300 Superheroes We Want To See

Catwoman - every boy's favorite villain.

The world is sadly short of proper superheroes these days.

Batman has gone all weird and teamed up with Catwoman (although the way she’s drawn nowadays, that’s fair enough, frankly).

The world has realised that being bitten by a radio active spider would have given Spiderman cancer, not superpowers.

Superman became a quadriplegic in a horse riding accident.

The Gorskys have turned their mind to this dilemma, and come up with some suggestions for the next wave of comic books.

  • Captain Nuclear – uses his amazing fission powers to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • Nuclear Lass – uses her amazing good looks to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • The Amazing Expando – that’s not a gun in his pocket.
  • The Dynamic Dyslexic – misreading crime by fights.
  • Enviroman – uses his hippy powers to fight crime by tying himself to trees until the villains go away.
  • Bo, The World’s Tallest Dwarf – Uses his uncanny height to defeat criminals. His battle cry is “I’m not a dwarf, OK. I’m just short!”
  • Peter Reith Man – Uses his weird lips to undermine union power at every turn – the world’s evilest hero.
  • Mr Millennium – the world’s most overrated superhero.
  • The Amazing Flasher – uses his disgusting powers of self-revelation to repulse villains into submission.
  • Captain Beans-On-Toast – lights his farts in the name of Justice!
  • Mr Muscle – Loves the jobs you hate.
  • Beer Gut Man – His aluminium crushing powers scare even the staunchest foe!
  • Water Boy – wets himself at the first sign of danger. Young ward of Rubbersheet Man, the world’s kinkiest hero.
  • Bureaucracy Man – Will happily save you from a life threatening situation once you’ve filled in the right forms in triplicate. If you’d like this doyen of protocol to save you, call 1-800-bureaucracy and follow the prompts.

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Superheroes We Want To See

Your Suggestions

  1. Captain Obvious – Superhero who beats his evil nemesises(?) into submission by incessantly pointing out what they are doing wrong and getting them to monologue while he tape records them.

    Current score: 0

    Winterwolf [30/11/2010]

  2. Fluffy the (dead) Super Mutant — After reading your Super Hero article I decided to make Fluffy my hamster into a super mutant using a strong burst of microwaves. Sadly, it didn’t work. Now my Mom says our microwave oven smells funny.

    Current score: 0

    stinkfoot [28/10/2010]

  3. Sperman – He wanted to be Superman, but somebody made a typo at the costume factory.

    Current score: 1

    stinkfoot [18/10/2010]

  4. The Human Fart – He became The Human Torch after somebody lit a match.

    Current score: 1

    stinkfoot [18/10/2010]

  5. Ironman – He does the ironing and is generally bossed around by his wife Superbitch.

    Current score: 0

    stinkfoot [17/10/2010]

Got a great idea for a Superhero?

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