Superheroes We Want To See

September 25th, 2010
catwoman53071 200x300 Superheroes We Want To See

Catwoman - every boy's favorite villain.

The world is sadly short of proper superheroes these days.

Batman has gone all weird and teamed up with Catwoman (although the way she’s drawn nowadays, that’s fair enough, frankly).

The world has realised that being bitten by a radio active spider would have given Spiderman cancer, not superpowers.

Superman became a quadriplegic in a horse riding accident.

The Gorskys have turned their mind to this dilemma, and come up with some suggestions for the next wave of comic books.

  • Captain Nuclear – uses his amazing fission powers to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • Nuclear Lass – uses her amazing good looks to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • The Amazing Expando – that’s not a gun in his pocket.
  • The Dynamic Dyslexic – misreading crime by fights.
  • Enviroman – uses his hippy powers to fight crime by tying himself to trees until the villains go away.
  • Bo, The World’s Tallest Dwarf – Uses his uncanny height to defeat criminals. His battle cry is “I’m not a dwarf, OK. I’m just short!”
  • Peter Reith Man – Uses his weird lips to undermine union power at every turn – the world’s evilest hero.
  • Mr Millennium – the world’s most overrated superhero.
  • The Amazing Flasher – uses his disgusting powers of self-revelation to repulse villains into submission.
  • Captain Beans-On-Toast – lights his farts in the name of Justice!
  • Mr Muscle – Loves the jobs you hate.
  • Beer Gut Man – His aluminium crushing powers scare even the staunchest foe!
  • Water Boy – wets himself at the first sign of danger. Young ward of Rubbersheet Man, the world’s kinkiest hero.
  • Bureaucracy Man – Will happily save you from a life threatening situation once you’ve filled in the right forms in triplicate. If you’d like this doyen of protocol to save you, call 1-800-bureaucracy and follow the prompts.

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Superheroes We Want To See

Your Suggestions

  1. Cool Party-Trick Guy has the semi-controllable ability to blow up his own head. Enemies will be dazzled and stunned by his antics, just long enough for his sidekick Handy Shiela to tazer them in the face. She will then clean up his mess for him, and reassemble his head into near-working condition. Okay, let’s face it, Handy Shiela’s the real hero, here. Cool Party-Trick Guy’s kinda not very handy at all.

    Current score: 0

    RyanTheGreat [06/10/2010]

  2. Poltergeist-A ghost who can manipulate fear after being double tapped by a homeless man. He brings ravenge to the dead.

    Current score: 0

    Patrick Trull [22/05/2010]

  3. Squirt Girl!
    Drops down in front of the bad guys and sprays them with stinking fluïds!

    Current score: 0

    Rink Mazee [27/02/2009]

  4. socially challenfed boy. saves the world but every1 hates him

    Current score: 0

    james churchman [08/09/2008]

  5. mr. america- is the bigest dumb ass in the world. he does nothing but go around being a deuce and he never ever got a villian!

    Current score: 0

    sam Vardy [27/05/2008]

  6. Champion Chef; Has the most amazing ability to read your most secret food fantasy and replicate it in a matter of 2 seconds. This stops most villians completely in their tracks as they are side tracked very cleverly by amazing smells and sights!!!

    Current score: 0

    Gianna Doubell [24/05/2008]

  7. Mr-E – he really is just a mystery

    Current score: 0

    Kirstie Miller [08/11/2007]

  8. Super Macho Lesbian- she is way super strong and her best albility is kickin ass and takin names

    Current score: 1

    jay carey [03/09/2007]

  9. Dave Wilkins Wets the bed in the name of JUSTICE!

    Current score: 0

    Callum Mellody [23/03/2007]

  10. Cheeseman He has the uncanny ability to turn all things into cheese however he is lactose intolerant, so everything he touches makes him sneeze.

    Current score: 0

    Travis w [06/12/2006]

  11. The Back-seat Bandit She lurks behind drivers and gives them false information about upcoming turns causing ULTIMATE chaos.

    Current score: 0

    ONLY ME [18/07/2006]

  12. Traffic Defiance Boy He runs on reds and stops at greens. Morning pile ups and general traffic slow down can be attributed to this masked menace. Often seen with a surprised look on his face as cars nearly hit him.

    Current score: 0

    ONLY ME [18/07/2006]

  13. HohoParis- Travels around the world In one night. She crawls down everyones chimney, turns an eerie green and gives you a special little present. With a giggle and a *have a nice day*, she snatches up her rudolph little-me who just shit on your bed, swipes your visa and leaves in her magic winnabago.

    Current score: 0

    mantelbrott set [30/09/2005]

  14. LEG MAN. A man with so many legs he cant walk. The irony clouds peoples vision as he hits them and stuff.

    Current score: 0

    Josh Prosh [29/07/2005]

  15. Lamp Post Man Stands around and does f**k all

    Current score: 0

    david arnold [20/07/2005]

  16. Barney Man He hugs people to death.

    Current score: 0

    Barney [07/06/2005]

  17. Austin Powers Man Shags enemies to death

    Current score: 2

    david arnold [30/05/2005]

  18. Gasper the friendly ghost
    Takes over from the Marlboro Man.

    Current score: 1

    mantlebrott bits [20/05/2005]

  19. Dirty Blanket Boy Carries around a blanket that he has never washed. His superpower is generally smell and his blanket function similar to Spawn’s cape but it stinks.

    Current score: 1

    Dirty Blanket Boy [28/01/2005]

  20. Captin Can’t Speel He was once an English teacher who went crazy in a horrible chalk board accident, and now likes to kill writers who can not spell.

    Current score: 1

    ryan kain [16/01/2005]

  21. Gold-Bond Man Possible enemy or sidekick to Chafeman, he spreads the comfort and joy of menthylated freshness to the masses&em;one bottle at a time.

    Current score: 0

    bob [04/01/2005]

  22. Super Meter-Maid-Man This superhero was made for the people! His focus is to follow his nemisis the “meter maid” around and put money in a timed up meter before the meter maid can write you a ticket.

    Current score: 0

    Amy Mac [29/12/2004]

  23. Captain Last Minute Just when it seems like the city is doomed. Just when you think that bomb will go off and turn the county into a vacant parking lot. Just when that villain is about to drop you into a vat of burning lava, Captain Last Minute will show up to save your sorry ass. Right after you pee your pants of course.

    Current score: 1

    Eric Griffin [26/11/2004]

  24. Captain Yoghurt He has the unique ability to manipulate and control all flavours of yoghurt to do his bidding. (niche superhero)

    Current score: 1

    Dane Doubell [01/08/2004]

  25. Rodent dude Has the ability to telekinetically control those rodents who steal your clothes – such as the sock gerbil or the trouser hamster. By commanding the furry ones to “borrow” his arch-nemesis’s clothes, he can render his enemies naked, powerless, and devoid of underwear (and, ergo, the willingness to take over the world).

    Current score: 0

    Silent Bob [13/04/2004]

  26. The Lazy boy of wonders
    Getting off the couch is to hard for him.Find another superhero.

    Current score: 2

    Some Bozo [04/02/2004]

  27. The Fantastic Spastic Elastic Gymnastic A retard with cerebral palsey, Tourrettes syndrome, ADHD and schizophrenia,he has absolutely no formal gymnastic training but no one will mess with any five of these crazy mother fuckers.

    Current score: 0

    chris c [26/11/2003]

  28. Captain Close Talker and sidekick Sophie Soft Talker Evil villians are lured near a cliff by the sexy Sophie Soft Talker. They come closer just to try to hear what she is saying and to get a good look at her cleavage. Once she has lured them near a cliff, Captain Close Talker comes in and makes them so uncomfotable by talking within an inch of their face that they eventually back up too far and fall off the cliff.

    Current score: 0

    Craig DeLatte [21/11/2003]

  29. The Cunillingus Crusader A cunning hero who uses his secret weapon, “The Clitty Tickler”, to bring female villains to their knees.

    Current score: 0

    Iain Morrison [21/11/2003]

  30. Q-tip Man Fools enemies into believing he is a q-tip, then pulls their brains out through their ears while being used to remove earwax.

    Current score: 1

    Flash Talot [08/08/2003]

Got a great idea for a Superhero?

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